tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-41141512024-03-08T11:28:07.272+08:00The Reversed EdgeA challenge to all kinds of stereotyping...Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger235125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4114151.post-83144732060383859752010-01-09T09:39:00.002+08:002010-01-09T09:43:16.039+08:00I know...don't ever seem to have the time nor the leisure. Many things happened. Hoping to pick it up again. Was hoping this new year, things'll be different. so there...Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4114151.post-35367072943035573532008-10-30T17:26:00.001+08:002008-10-30T17:29:03.250+08:00<p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 19.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';">PART II</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 19.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';">Life was much simpler when I was a kid. My family wasn't well off but we got by decently. Most of the toys I had were handed down by my brother. I had this fire truck made from a block of wood. It had a bell on it and a ladder. I used to lie on my tummy for hours playing with it. Actually, I wasn't really playing with it, rather I was fixated on it. I would just look at it and touching every part of it as if I'm trying to understand how each part works. I don't have that many toys so I sometimes improvised. The umbrella was a popular prop in my repertoire. Not that I used it for a re-enactment of Mary Poppins, I assure you. I was really into science-fiction and in those days there was a show called Space 1999. It had all these techno gadgets and space ships that really excited me. Anyway, I never made passed 15 mins of the show before I went on to stage my own Space 1999.</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 19.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';">Which reminds me, tv shows and movies are major triggers to my spacing out, that's why I don't last long watching them. I had to constantly shift my focus elsewhere before returning to watch it. But allow me to digress a bit.</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 19.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';">There's 2 different spacing-out that I do. The 1st would be like high on weed kinda spacing out. Yeah, no kidding. The 2nd would be totally hyper-focused type of spacing-out. This usually happens when I'm working on or doing something. I would just be too focused on it that I tune out everything around me. Some of my friends were amazed that I could carry on doing calculus with chaos around me as if it were nothing. Sometimes, I deliberately listen to metal music to focus on my studies. It's like a neat trick actually. </span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 19.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';">Back to the story, I basically pretended that the umbrella was a satellite dish. I would open up almost every umbrella in the house, which drove my mom nuts, until I reach this paper umbrella we had. Its a green colored umbrella made of paper and wood. It had this smell, akin to sandalwood that I liked. I would keep opening it and closing it and look at the spokes inside the umbrella move. It carried on for a period of time until my mom got fed up, I think, and told me that a snake will come out of the umbrellas if I keep playing with it in the house! </span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 19.0px Helvetica; min-height: 23.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 19.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';">Growing up in the typical malay ghetto, I was fed with many old wives tales and superstitions. I remembered one in particular which is pegged by a memory of when I was around five years old; I had been playing with a paper umbrella, imagining it was a satellite dish with an awesome capability of shooting out laser beams at the neighbouring block of flat. My mother was a stern disciplinarian, and when she caught sight of what I was doing, she relieved me of my space oddity and told me that opening an umbrella in the house was a bad omen. Upon seeing how I just staring at her blankly, she prompted further, telling me that a snake may appear if one insists on playing with the brolly within the house. I was dumbfounded at the then recently supplied information. </span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 19.0px Helvetica; min-height: 23.0px"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';"> </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 19.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';">Usually, a malay kid, during my time, would pretty well leave it alone. Me however, started to analyse scientifically as to how in the hell could a snake appear out of the paper brolly? It became an obsession. I began to think that if it could really materialize snakes out of thin air, then an umbrella is truly an ingenious piece of invention! It's the whole satellite shape & structure of it! It could somehow metaphysically induce teleportation beyond the grasp of technology of that time! Thus began the lab observation for me. Of course when my parents weren't at home when I conducted it. I would open up the paper umbrella and stare at it for hours. My brother used to tease me that I've gone fruit loops, while my sister would just be amused by my idiosyncracy. After a couple of days, I deduced, to my own disappointment, that a paper umbrella does not have the abilities I thought it would. Frustrated, I confronted my parents, paper umbrella in one hand, my rubber hammer in the other. I handed the umbrella to my mother and asked her to open it and that if a snake did come out of thin air, I'd clobber it with my hammer. Show me the magic! It was my mother's turn to be dumbfounded. My dad, he just looked at and me and let out the most hearty laugh.</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 19.0px Helvetica; min-height: 23.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 19.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';">I was six when an incident happened that made me realized something. There were some sporting event going on and everybody was watching the tube. I remembered not understanding why everybody got all excited about. The tube was going on about athletes breaking records when it hit me. Well, if that was all it took to impress people, that's easy. So I went into my father's collection and broke a few records (vinyl). Well the reaction I got from everyone wasn't what I really expected. There are many incidents similar to this one. I take things literally. Nowadays, even. Sometimes people would talk to me but it takes awhile for me to respond. When this happens, I usually kinda take a breather and take the time to analyse what was relayed to me so as not to appear I was taking it literally. It took a lifetime for me to train myself. To others, I appear seemingly dense.</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 19.0px Helvetica; min-height: 23.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 19.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';">I had my share of nasty remarks thrown at me regarding this while my friends made fun of it thinking that I was clowning around. I even got labelled as the clown within my circle of friends. A label I just took to satisfy the need to belong. Nowadays, I know better.</span></span></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4114151.post-88706969546188356812008-10-23T13:27:00.000+08:002008-10-23T13:30:56.790+08:00<p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 19.0px Helvetica">Me, Myself & I...</p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 19.0px Helvetica"><br /></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 19.0px Helvetica">PART I<br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 19.0px Helvetica">There are may things in my lifetime that I do not truly understand. My initial thought regarding alot of things was that, as I move through time, I'd mature and soon those mysteries would unravel. Besides, isn't that what people say all the time? "Someday you'll understand." Which, is to suggest that, in time, I will come across a similar situation, and because I'm dealing with it, I would be able to comprehend it. "It" being a relative term. Hence, my dilemma.</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 19.0px Helvetica; min-height: 23.0px"><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 19.0px Helvetica">The thing is, over time, I would probably be better equipped in dealing with 'It", simply because of experience. Not by my own person but by way of observation and literature. Having knowledge about "It" allows me to deal with it, with uncanny precision even. Yet, it doesn't mean I understood. Or why "It" should be dealt with as such.</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 19.0px Helvetica; min-height: 23.0px"><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 19.0px Helvetica">Let's leave "It" for a moment as you, the reader, may not be able to make out the point I;m making at the moment. But, you will.</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 19.0px Helvetica; min-height: 23.0px"><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 19.0px Helvetica">For those who knows me, a few or maybe a lot of things that is about to be mentioned may sound ludicrous or strange/far-fetched. Well, if that happens, relax. Nobody's perfect, especially me.</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 19.0px Helvetica; min-height: 23.0px"><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 19.0px Helvetica">I was frowned upon when I was a kid growing up. Why? Simply because I did a series of odd things in my time. And I don't play well with others. Not that I was a pitbull or anything, it's just that I wasn't interested in mixing it up with other kids. On times that I actually do play with other kids; I was forced to. Got no choice when you're up against stern Sisters at the convent pre school. Of times I was mixing it up out of freewill, it's because I needed numbers to achieve my objective. I didn't actually do that to make friends or make merry. In a way, I just used them. After all that, I would go about my own business in a corner somewhere.</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 19.0px Helvetica; min-height: 23.0px"><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 19.0px Helvetica">Reading came naturally to me. I remembered being able to read as early as 3 years old. I know that nowadays whats with the pre-school programmes and such, kids are able to read simple vocabs. Nothing special about it. Except, I wasn't reading picture cards. It was the Straits Times. Though, I have always attributed this to my late father's habit of deep reading. He used to read with me on his lap thus, he may have imparted some reading skills albeit undeliberate. Then I would have weird fascination with certain words. Not due to its meanings but rather how it sounded. Sometimes, it would be phrases. "Of course" was one them. Don't ask me why. I was fascinated with the word "Phoenix" for a long, long time, even to the point of obsessing about it. As a result, kindergarten was pretty boring for me, the only thing I was really learning was Chinese. I got a lot of grief as to how I wouldn't listen to teachers and stuff, because I'd go on about my own business most of the time. Oh, and I like to snatch things from other kids. They're usually crayons. I simply wanted to use 'em. I got whacked by my mom for that. I didn't know what I did wrong except I was never to snatch things from other kids. On top of that, teachers wrote that I was "dreaming in class" in my report card.</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 19.0px Helvetica; min-height: 23.0px"><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 19.0px Helvetica">I supposedly 'dreamt' in class all the way to secondary school. No kidding. Teachers were probably annoyed and wrote it my report book. It became a norm to my parents whenever I did badly in assessments or exams, to attribute it to my "dreaming in class", and that I wasn't paying attention to what was delivered during lessons. I can't argue about that. Frankly, school was hell for me. All the attention and focus I had to give was driving me nuts. But everybody else was doing it, so I struggled. I totally have a problem about spacing out. I space out constantly. The only thing I do to stop it is by looking at people's eyes when they speak. This is a problem for me because I feel very agitated staring into people's eyes. Through the years, I had trained myself to appear normal when conversing with other people because they often look at me funny when I don't. I didn't realize it was rude not to look at them when they are talking. In the early years, when people talk to me, I would look at something else. The trunk of their body for example. Or feet. The worst will be me fixating at other things. My parents would often 'correct' me on this. It was for the best, I thought because I would space out if I don't force myself. I've come across many people who are annoyed at me for ignoring them, or at least it's what they thought. There were many times when my friends saw me down the street and call my name out only to find me unresponsive, even after waving wildly at me. Sometimes, they were even standing beside me and talking to me and I wouldn't have a clue. It was embarrassing to say the least. To make it up, I would apologize and suggested that they should give me a little nudge in the future, if it happens again. More often than not, I would give the excuse of having my attention on some hot chick passing by to cover up. I constantly had to make up excuses or lied. I became real good at lying to cover up whatever I was doing because I didn't want to appear as being retarded and laughed along with my friends, passing it as something silly. If only they all knew it's because I couldn't help it. This trait is the foundation of what people would describe me as being: aloof, distant, dreamer....etc.</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 19.0px Helvetica; min-height: 23.0px"><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 19.0px Helvetica">Over the years, I managed to somewhat control myself from spacing out too far. Though I'll admit it's such a chore. When I was young, spacing out could prove to be dangerous. There were times that I could've gotten seriously hurt because I wasn't aware of things around me.</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 19.0px Helvetica; min-height: 23.0px"><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 19.0px Helvetica; min-height: 23.0px"><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 19.0px Helvetica; min-height: 23.0px"><br /></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4114151.post-71927235799867277762008-09-27T14:09:00.001+08:002008-09-27T14:15:14.600+08:00<p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica">We have been told time and again that perception is reality. In a sense, It is true; our perception do color what we think, say and do. It affects our behavior. For example, we can cary a perception that our treatment of others as merely being 'candid', or 'honest'. We often hear the people who like to proclaim themselves as being straightforward. And because they perceive the attitude they express as being acceptable, they fail to see that others may interpret the behavior as rude treatment of others. They hold on to that perception right until someone think they had enough putting up with their crap and decides to put them in their place! Still people carry on thinking what they do is 'right'.</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica">Our perception have intrinsic value only as they correspond closely to the reality that surrounds us. Illusions leads to confusion, inconsistency and they sabotage our goals.</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica">Why does it work?</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica">Illusions are powerful attractions that, in turn, give off powerful suggestions in our minds. So much that it compels us to discard reality and embrace the false hope it portrays. It's also very easy to base our lives on tradition and 2nd hand opinions - better to make decisions on hearsay, presumptions and inferences than to think for ourselves. We cannot deny that the truth is often ugly. It is ugly because we are in a constant state of denial. To embrace it, is to admit to one self's flaws and weakness. Thus, better a pleasant lie rather than the ugly truth.</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica">The fact is, Perception isn't reality. Perception is perception and it could be either right or wrong, good or bad. It all depends on, to a great extent, how well it aligns in the long run with reality. (James R. Lucas)</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica">"People live their lives bound by what they accept as correct and true. That's how they define reality. But, what does it mean to be 'correct' or 'true'? Merely vague concepts. Their reality may all be an illusion. Can we consider them simply be living in their oen world, shaped y their own beliefs?" (Uchiha Itachi)</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><br /></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4114151.post-80813048826695330682008-09-26T13:40:00.000+08:002008-09-26T13:41:49.330+08:00<p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">How many times has it been that we find ourselves tuck away in a corner on a weekend with nothing to do but ponder? </span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">Those who are lucky enough to get themselves busy doing something somehow realize in their midst of choring, it’ll last just as long as it is done. </span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">Ultimately our imperfection pave way to a greater need in our very existence. We need a companion in this life no matter how fiercely independent we are. We need to personify our confidence in this reality. Thus, the need to enter into a relationship.</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">Abraham Maslow classified this behavior as a psychological need in his hierarchy. The human need to be loved and give love. It was a form of self validation. Apparently, we all need our existence to be acknowledged. We need to be important. And in turn, we acknowledge the significance of others' existence. </span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">....I truly have no idea where I'm going with this....if I ever had a point, it had eluded by the 2nd sentence....anyway...</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">"Everyone in the world need someone that they can depend on, be they faithful friends, determined advocates or a loving family. But occasionally in life, the people we thought would always be there for us leave. And if that happens, it's amazing the lengths we go to, to get them back."</span></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4114151.post-77816138274259402542008-09-24T14:25:00.001+08:002008-09-24T14:36:26.664+08:00A poet once said, "All our words are but crumbs that fall down from the feast of the mind."<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px; "></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px; "><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>I hadn't been updating my blog for the past year simply because the buffet table is empty. I'm not sure how to explain it except that the juices stopped flowing. Something happened that made me hit the pause button. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px;"><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Verdana"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>I hadn't been working for just as long so I'm like literally broke which, is to say that the time spent in the hiatus had not been entirely unproductive. I went back to school to further my studies and maybe I'll land a pretty decent job in the near future. The courses started out with me taking up the social sciences but I reiterated halfway to focus on a business core. </p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Verdana"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>Classes are interesting except for the IT stuff. I'm not saying that they aren't interesting but it's pretty dry stuff to absorb. Besides, there wasn't anything new for me there. To be fair, I had taken up computer science several years ago. I hated the programming modules cos it made my head feel funny every time we had to write a program. It makes me focus real hard and lose awareness of everything around me- once I had like 3 or 4 guys literally screaming for my attention cos I kinda switched them off. It happens. So anyway, there's also Math classes that I had to take, particularly Statistics. </p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Verdana"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>Also made some new friends. Well, actually they kinda approached me and tried to break the ice. I was civil. What else can I say? Oh, and they mistook me for an Indonesian or a Stani (stah-nee). Ok, Stani is just something I came up with to stereotype all those people in central asia and those not, like Pakistan and Afghanistan. Whatever.</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Verdana"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>Now that I've reasonably brought my hiatus to speed, I guess it's time for me to get to the core of this entry. I have wrote a lot of entries in the past depicting voids and my impression of things around me. And because of that, I have been accused of having a good insight. I'd say that it's just because I'm able to distance myself. But the thing is, everything I wrote before is a deep mystery to me. When it comes to emotions, I'm not particularly clueless. Just that it's difficult to relate. </p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Verdana"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>There was an entry where I wrote that I enjoy being with my close friends who are having meaningful conversations but with me not contributing at all. This is because I don't know if I should and if I did want to, I wouldn't know what to say. And on those times where I do actually open my mouth, it's usually some random joke or punchline that leaves everyone else gaping at me. Otherwise, I'd give an honest thought or opinion that often comes off which, a friend termed it as 'abrasive'. So, I made a choice to keep my mouth shut. It's better this way cos I don't really like to talk at all. I think I'm silly when I do it. Which is fine as it made me a better listener. </p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Verdana"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>The thing is, I do 'odd' things. I personally think they aren't, but. I've been labelled many things. Weird is one of them. I don't really care but when there's too many labels, it kinda motivate you to find empirical evidence. And recently, I stumbled upon a revelation. I found out something about myself that took me by surprise on so many levels. The good thing about it was that it answered all these questions that I had. I knew ever since I was a child that I was different from the other kids. Or why I keep failing at relationships -which made me totally question myself about the whole sexuality thing! Growing up, I was too busy trying to mimick what everybody else was doing, with little success and it's time I stop trying to be who I am not. I've come to terms and accept myself. I don't know how many of my 'friends' are reading this blog and I'm not sure I wanna face that just yet. But if you are a 'friend' and you're reading this, I only ask you not to judge. At this stage of my life, I'm coming out to myself. </p> <p style="text-align: center;margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 13px/normal Verdana; "><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 13px/normal Verdana; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">I'M AN ASPIE!</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Verdana">And I kinda like it that way...</p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Verdana"><br /></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Verdana"></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Verdana; min-height: 16.0px"><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Verdana">"No man can reveal to you nothing but that which already lies half-asleep in the dawning of your knowledge."</p><p></p></span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4114151.post-76536702038405544472007-08-04T00:07:00.000+08:002007-08-04T00:31:05.401+08:00People always choose to see magicks & parlor tricks.<br />Old people with squinted eyes and ragged wigs.<br />Sitting high with handful of beads.<br />With whose strength without that each eth seek'd.<br />But say ye foul with mouth's beak.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4114151.post-64660318409508487802007-07-04T00:21:00.000+08:002008-12-11T00:08:39.039+08:00<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFrBZ0Ag6rLpdF308U1v_6XwYReLgxNRUc6tUa2tgPLt_gZV88pobXeRHZVUCyUe2XGrdMxD6JOILR9S4Wr-5yjMO-ZsXT5zbtXwmFlih8DtioZqGYZu-i8UHFXU5kKsA9EjvzLg/s1600-h/DWN.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFrBZ0Ag6rLpdF308U1v_6XwYReLgxNRUc6tUa2tgPLt_gZV88pobXeRHZVUCyUe2XGrdMxD6JOILR9S4Wr-5yjMO-ZsXT5zbtXwmFlih8DtioZqGYZu-i8UHFXU5kKsA9EjvzLg/s320/DWN.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5083007967718308306" border="0" /></a><br />Darwin's Nightmare is truly a in-your-face picture in the wake of capitalism. Watching this picture gives you a raw aspect of life in Africa and the disturbing reality that we succeed in 'taking what we don't need'.<br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Bureaucratic</span> bastards mentioning that the fishery in Lake Victoria are of high standards. How ironic that the very fish that destroyed the eco balance in the lake becomes the source of livelihood for the fishermen there. And that that very fish may be the reason for their own destruction.<br />It appalls me to no end that we still exploit this continent, this well of mother nature. If watching Hotel Rwanda stirs something within you, I'd say watching this picture will jolt it out of slumber.<br />The best I've watched so far. If anything, watching this'll humble you a little bit more in this lifetime.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4114151.post-90922080793636345712007-06-28T00:21:00.000+08:002007-06-28T00:47:22.203+08:00It's not much but it sure as hell could tick off a whole lot of people. It's a freewill thing. Yet, people don't truly understand the meaning of the word. Or rather, what it means to exercise it.<br />I'm happy for those who found their purpose in life; they succeeded. I'm happy that they are happy. Happy that they want to share that happiness. That's good. Noble even. Just don't shove it down other people's throat. You'd end up making a bunch of people UN-happy. Just because the road you're traveling on brings you to your journey, it doesn't necessarily leads to mine.<br />It frustrates you because I ain't buying what you're selling. Then you start to ask me why.<br />Simple. I don't need it.<br />Why?<br />*sigh*<br />Why??<br />*sigh~*<br />Tell me why???<br />shove...throat...UN-happy...you're doing it.<br />..............wha....?<br />yeah, that's what I thought.<br /><br />Freewill.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4114151.post-72575469382239520012007-06-11T23:35:00.000+08:002007-06-11T23:42:21.915+08:00I have been given the chance upon new friendships and I gazed through my small window only to find that it was never small to begin with.<br />Although world's apart, their stories once again found me humbled.<br />And I know for certain that uncertainty is dawning and only have myself as a wager.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4114151.post-36068085008900337782007-05-16T23:50:00.000+08:002007-05-16T23:59:01.901+08:00It's interesting to see people who hold their heads up high so that they could breathe when water are up to their necks. Perhaps, they believe they've succeeded to survive when we can actually see them drowning.<br /><br />I should cast out a line and pull them to safety...but I am such a sadistic bastard. I'll enjoy watching them squirm for awhile before even considering.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4114151.post-20256515864363418852007-05-05T02:21:00.000+08:002007-05-05T02:25:52.958+08:00ichizoku... ichizoku... Souiu antara onore no "utsuwa" no ookisa wo hakari chigae ore no "utsuwa" no fukasa wo shiranu kara ima soko ni haitsukubatteru. Soshiki ni shuuchakushi ichizoku ni shuuchakushi na ni shuuchaku suru... Sore wa onore wo seiyakushi onore no "utsuwa" wo kimetsukeru imubekikoto soshite madaminu... Shiranu mono wo osorenikushimu rokashikikoto!!<br /><br />Attachment to organization...attachment to clan....why attach at all?<br />That's merely the detestable action of restricting yourself and limiting your own 'container'. People are too busy comparing and showing off how big their 'container' are that they forget how deep it could get.<br /><br />People fear and hate those they don't understand.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4114151.post-83875845818860840992007-04-25T05:35:00.000+08:002007-04-25T06:05:01.570+08:00<span style="font-style: italic;">Conversation will not corrupt us if we come to the assembly in our own garb and speech and with the energy of health to select what is ours and reject what is not. Society we must have; but let it be society, and not exchanging news or eating from the same dish. Is it society to sit in one of your chairs ? I cannot go to the houses of my nearest relatives, because I do not wish to be alone. Society exists by chemical affinity, and not other-wise.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Put any company of people together with freedom for conversation, and a rapid self-distribution takes place into sets and pairs. The best are accused of exclusiveness. It would be more true to say they separate as oil from water, as children from old people, without love or hatred in the matter, each seeking his like; and any interference with the affinities would produce constraint and suffocation. All conversation is a magnetic experiment. I know that my friend can talk eloquently ; you know that he cannot articulate a sentence : we have seen him in different company. Assort your party, or invite none. Put Stubbs and Coleridge, Quintilian and Aunt Miriam, into pairs, and you make them all wretched. Leave them to seek their own mates, and they will be as merry as sparrows. </span><br /><br />Sadly, it's hardly realized as more often than not, those closest to you takes the bond which existed for granted. And when they've gone twilight, we often find ourselves asking - Why?Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4114151.post-19436504947556577332007-04-24T13:32:00.000+08:002008-12-11T00:08:39.186+08:00<div style="text-align: center;"><span class="sqq"><blockquote><span class="sqq">Faith is an oasis in the heart which can never be reached by the caravan of thinking.</span></blockquote></span></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-NJZH-wBX4a-Wzu6zzI2xpoTUgKl2V0Yy4KBUkz3UWUayrTladsTCCsQ_vqVE_7CD6zinOnvY0XLnZBVfzX6ZGZ0KWt1PjQMui19poqHNzPXj2E3LjoRIWmiyrIAy7lXCr247Ow/s1600-h/oasis_sunset02.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-NJZH-wBX4a-Wzu6zzI2xpoTUgKl2V0Yy4KBUkz3UWUayrTladsTCCsQ_vqVE_7CD6zinOnvY0XLnZBVfzX6ZGZ0KWt1PjQMui19poqHNzPXj2E3LjoRIWmiyrIAy7lXCr247Ow/s320/oasis_sunset02.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5056873374403895090" border="0" /></a><span class="sqq">That was what a wise man said once. It's a shame that a blind man may never see what an oasis looked like but he sure knows the depth of thirst it quenches.<br /></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4114151.post-42136670572794142992006-12-31T15:22:00.000+08:002008-12-11T00:08:39.329+08:00<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7IcEIj5Gbuzxxqrqr9blotnwzewHAETzJT-hEI5AAob4niShwQi361EzVUpubnH9QfsZgfWI2fhObRJzEOzHBsoW0LjOdlNH_S1pKpYRC559zlTsMT0gz_Ach6HGmxSoW1l39zQ/s1600-h/lamb.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7IcEIj5Gbuzxxqrqr9blotnwzewHAETzJT-hEI5AAob4niShwQi361EzVUpubnH9QfsZgfWI2fhObRJzEOzHBsoW0LjOdlNH_S1pKpYRC559zlTsMT0gz_Ach6HGmxSoW1l39zQ/s320/lamb.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5014589006555347602" /></a><br /><br /><p>It's a holiday today. And in its true classic sense of the word - Holy Day. The Muslims celebrates this day pretty much throughout the globe. Though it actually shouldn't be monopolized just by the Muslims. Fact is, it's as much a holiday for the Christians and Jews as well. Most Christians I knew would actually stare at me blankly whenever I suggested this to them. "Why?" they always seemed to ask..so I decide to give a little recap...</p><br /><br />You can find this story in the book of Genesis 22:1-13.<br /><ol><br /><li>After these things God tested Abraham, and said to him, "Abraham!" And he said, "Here am I."</li> <br /><li>He said, "Take your son, your only son Isaac, whom you love, and go to the land of Mori'ah, and offer him there as a burnt offering upon one of the mountains of which I shall tell you."</li> <br /><li>So Abraham rose early in the morning, saddled his ass, and took two of his young men with him, and his son Isaac; and he cut the wood for the burnt offering, and arose and went to the place of which God had told him.</li> <br /><li>On the third day Abraham lifted up his eyes and saw the place afar off. </li><br /><li>Then Abraham said to his young men, "Stay here with the ass; I and the lad will go yonder and worship, and come again to you." </li><br /><li>And Abraham took the wood of the burnt offering, and laid it on Isaac his son; and he took in his hand the fire and the knife. So they went both of them together.</li> <br /><li>And Isaac said to his father Abraham, "My father!" And he said, "Here am I, my son." He said, "Behold, the fire and the wood; but where is the lamb for a burnt offering?" </li><br /><li>Abraham said, "God will provide himself the lamb for a burnt offering, my son." So they went both of them together. </li><br /><li>When they came to the place of which God had told him, Abraham built an altar there, and laid the wood in order, and bound Isaac his son, and laid him on the altar, upon the wood. </li><br /><li>Then Abraham put forth his hand, and took the knife to slay his son.</li> <br /><li>But the angel of the LORD called to him from heaven, and said, "Abraham, Abraham!" And he said, "Here am I."</li> <br /><li>He said, "Do not lay your hand on the lad or do anything to him; for now I know that you fear God, seeing you have not withheld your son, your only son, from me."</li> <br /><li>And Abraham lifted up his eyes and looked, and behold, behind him was a ram, caught in a thicket by his horns; and Abraham went and took the ram, and offered it up as a burnt offering instead of his son.</li></ol><br /><br /><p>And you can find this in the Quran, 37:99-111 (Al Saffat)</p><br />37:99-111 Al Saffat<br /><br />[37:99] He said, "I am going to my Lord; He will guide me." <br />[37:100] "My Lord, grant me righteous children." <br />[37:101] We gave him good news of a good child. <br />[37:102] When he grew enough to work with him, he said, "My son, I see in a dream that I am sacrificing you. What do you think?" He said, "O my father, do what you are commanded to do. You will find me, GOD willing, patient."<br />[37:103] They both submitted, and he put his forehead down (to sacrifice him). <br /><br /><em>God Intervenes to Save Abraham and Ismail </em><br /><br />[37:104] We called him: "O Abraham. <br />[37:105] "You have believed the dream." We thus reward the righteous. <br />[37:106] That was an exacting test indeed. <br />[37:107] We ransomed (Ismail) by substituting an animal sacrifice. <br />[37:108] And we preserved his history for subsequent generations. <br />[37:109] Peace be upon Abraham. <br />[37:110] We thus reward the righteous. <br />[37:111] He is one of our believing servants.<br /><br />Of course, after going through the above excerpts from respective scriptures, you'd notice that there's one distinctive difference that is between Isaac & Ishmael. I'm not going to make comparative argument on this subject...the scholars already did that. The Jews' version is somewhat parallel to the Christians, but basically the story is almost the same. Abraham was tested by God into giving his son for sacrifice. Today is a commemoration of Abraham & his son's submission to God.<br />This event is actually very significant and (I believe) should be the key for a common ground betwixt 3 religions. This is one day that the Jews, Christians & Muslims can celebrate in perfect harmony.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4114151.post-92032860755175080672006-12-30T07:16:00.000+08:002006-12-30T07:48:22.484+08:00Seandainya aku ikuti rasa, pasti sudah lumat bibirmu merah tak terkata. <br />Sengih sejengkal tak berupa, bagaikan gagak berlagak hendak meneka.<br />Bertahun engkau menghidang, mengukir senyuman dikalangan teman.<br />Mereka suka dan engkau tertawa, benih engkau semai bajakan cuka.<br />Salahkah teman, salahkah mereka? Kekuranganmu sendiri menjadi hiba TAPI TIDAK!<br />Engkau temukan ikan disebelah dinding berjala, kau santau teman umpan berkaca.<br />Lama dah ku tahu dan lama ku menduga, berdiam aku mengharapkan kau sedar perbuatanmu.<br />Makin di diamkan makin menggerutu. Macam jerawat susu!<br />Akan ku ukur ekar kau seluas ruang tanah dan biar disini ia tertulis,<br />Obat bagi engkau hanyalah selayar tamparan bugis! Mari sini!!!Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4114151.post-76151643430573376372006-12-28T21:03:00.000+08:002006-12-28T21:12:27.117+08:00Somebody close to me died today and I'm unable to pay my last respects because we're like a continent apart. So...like things can't get any more worse...!Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4114151.post-88474738160138582782006-12-28T08:08:00.000+08:002006-12-28T08:23:41.141+08:00Have you ever wondered that one time you truly help your friends? And I'm not talking about small favours. This is the kind of help you gave for saving his/her ass from getting screwed by the mafia...sort of. Why do we do it?<br />And when it's our ass the mafia's screwing, how come we don't see our friends fending for our lives?<br />See, that's the problem with 'friends'. They want things unconditionally. They want things free. They want us to entertain them. They want...they want...they WANT!<br />This time it's not something I want. It's something I need. Silence. I'm done. Are you done?Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4114151.post-55718401076082816672006-12-27T00:01:00.000+08:002006-12-27T00:50:38.496+08:00Some things should be illegal because it's malicious in nature. I suggest stop wasting taxpayers' money on campaigns that only leads to oblivion. Why campaign at all when it only leads to segregation?<br />In some places it is illegal to place ads that even remotely suggests discrimination, between sexes. Like "Male working environment" for example. Or "Must be able to speak Urdu". To the brainwashed community, failure to see the logic in this argument is a norm. Oh, but we do practice equality of Rights, don't we?. And here I thought English was the language of administration. Did I get that right? Or it actually only applies to the administrators?<br />The papers love to propagate statics like "124,000 jobs created" which to me reeks of ambiguity. For whom those jobs are created for anyway? Oh foolish me, it's probably for those millions of people who came from abroad.<br />The day will come when I witness one of our neighbours to win the 1st Millionth Visitor lottery. Do neighbours qualify? Or this lottery only eligible for those living effectively outside 2500 miles radius?<br />It is a wonder at times, for me, to be better off speaking suomi. It would've defaulted my mind mapping over this subject. <br />Harmony would mean different voices on different pitch to sing together as one, thus creating a chord. Imagine that campaign's song sung together on different languages at the same time. <br />How'd you expect to harmonize when you're letting the singers sing the same song but different words?<br />Perhaps equating harmony to noise were the objective after all.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4114151.post-7586415088274329802006-12-24T09:47:00.000+08:002006-12-24T09:58:02.286+08:00I wonder what went thru Rob Flynn's mind when he wrote this...<br /><br /><em>Well She looked right into my eyes and said to me<br />The hurt that you try to hide is killing me<br />You drink a thousand lies, to freeze the past in time<br /><br />I've tried to fill this silence up<br />But now it's back again<br /><br />See the pain in my eyes<br />see the scars deep inside<br />My God, I'm down in this hole again<br />With the laughter I smile<br />with the tears that I cry<br />Keep going down this road called life<br /><br />She says that I'm insecure, I guess she's right<br />'Cause just when I think I'm sure, alone at night<br />the agonies come back, this pain won't let me be<br /><br />I try to fill the silence up<br />but now it's back again<br /><br />See the pain in my eyes <br />see the scars deep inside<br />My God, I'm down in this hole again<br />With the laughter I smile<br />with the tears that I cry<br />Keep going down this road called life<br />Don't need your sympathy <br />I just want for this silence to stop killing me<br /><br />It's deafening<br />it's deafening<br />this silence inside me<br /><br />I try to fill the silence up<br />but now it's back again<br />It's empty like a suicide this pain inside<br /><br />See the pain in my eyes<br />see the scars deep inside<br />My God, I'm down in this hole again<br />With the laughter I smile<br />with the tears that I cry<br />Keep going down this road called life<br />Don't need your sympathy<br />I just want for this silence to stop killing me.</em><br /><br />We lower the volume of our tv sets, radio or voice because it is distracting. And we completely silence it perhaps, to find some peace. More often than not, we get annoyed at children who banged tables or drop their toys to the floor just so they can hear it make noise. As if our very primary instinct commands us to drown the emptiness around us, thus we make sound. Any sound, if not to fill the silence, it's an assurance that we are able to call for the attention that we all so desperately need.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4114151.post-1603723655254762742006-12-23T18:45:00.000+08:002006-12-23T18:46:53.292+08:00I am steadily into that mode where without warning..!DAMAGE! so the music's gotta change fer now.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4114151.post-72632054290689335302006-12-23T03:20:00.000+08:002006-12-23T03:44:54.917+08:00Firstly, I think I'm gonna go easy on the codes. I was about 2 seconds away from thrashing my computer all because of blogger's blog editor. Blogger provides 2 interface to work with, one is the text editor so you can fiddle with your codes, and the other, I suppose, are for dumb people like me who does the editing visually. Initially I thought the visual editor (this is where u see the tab 'Compose') was a great tool. You can move your pics about, resize them, link, fiddle with fonts & colors albeit somewhat limited ways. I was happy I tell ya. Until, I decided to rediscover HTML codes & CSS...<br />I've been using CoffeeCup HTML Editor, which is a great tool btw, to do my coding and then paste it into blogger. It was great, everything works...at first, until I switched to 'Compose', where I thought I could do a bit fine tuning. So when I clicked on preview everything went wrong! Needless to say, I quickly switched back to 'Edit Html' to see what's going on...did I mess up? NO!!!<br />Somehow, the blogger editor went on and decide on its own to change the codes! I mean...why would the fuck it wanna do that? Huh? Bodo nyer computer! <br />I mean..I would really lose it if I didn't think to use CoffeeCup in the first place cos all the codes would be useless to me.<br />LOL...guess some wouldn't get why I'm so upset. Well...I'm totally useless when it comes to art. Can't draw squats! When I was yaking the O levels, my school actually did not let me take art! So here I am able to create something pretty and nice...and then the STUPID EDITOR HAD TO GO SMARTASS ON ME!!! Such a fuckin asshole! And yeah I know the cybernetic world prolly have no asshole to speak of...go to gay porn sites..u get plenty of ass there!! AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGHH!!!<br />that's better...Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4114151.post-39570876869588861362006-12-22T12:35:00.000+08:002006-12-23T04:14:54.744+08:00<div style="Z-INDEX: 100; BACKGROUND: url(http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a131/RobinGDFellow/Zodiac-Posters2.jpg); FILTER: alpha(opacity =75); LEFT: -150px; WIDTH: 530px; TOP: 30px; HEIGHT: 450px; moz-opacity: .50; opacity: .50"><br /><span style="color:red;"><strong>Did </strong></span><span style="color:#000099;"><strong>you know that the...</strong><br /></span><p align="justify"><span style="BORDER-RIGHT: black 1px solid; PADDING-RIGHT: 3px; BORDER-TOP: black 1px solid; MARGIN-TOP: 5px; PADDING-LEFT: 3px; FONT-SIZE: 80px; BACKGROUND: bisque; FLOAT: left; BORDER-BOTTOM-WIDTH: 1px; LINE-HEIGHT: 60px; BORDER-BOTTOM-: black 1px solidfont-size:80;color:#660000;" >Z</span><strong><span style="color:#CCCC00;">odiac is a narrow band of 18° wide, <br />making a complete circuit of the sky around the earth.This complete<br />circle is known to the occultist as Eternal Life. And according to <br />astrology, the fate of mankind was decided by the position of the <br />stars. The chief gods of the zodiac were actually the 7 planets <br />located throughout giving 36 sectors atogether with each sector <br />10° of the zodiacal circle. It is here where our present time <br />keeping originated from. The sun dial & our mechanical clock is <br />derived from the 12 houses of Zodiac.<br />Fortune-tellers rely on this system to dish out their cookie.<br />Go to any fortune teller. Be it whether they use playing cards <br />or charts...etc. It is based on this astrological formula. <br />Oh by the way...the common playing cards are designed from this <br />zodiac theory as well...<br />Don't believe me? I've mentioned this to my friends before<br />and it never failed to amuse me when they finally found the<br />connection. So here goes...<br /><br />36 no. cards in a 52-card deck.<br />One card each represents the 52 weeks with 12 face<br />cards - 4 Kings, 4 Queens, 4 Jacks & 4 Aces<br />that represents the 4 seasons. Think about it.<br />Would you believe...if I'd say all these are<br />connected to Satan???</span></strong><br /></p></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4114151.post-4629293467573860792006-12-21T23:34:00.000+08:002006-12-22T00:34:46.729+08:00<center><div style="width:380px;height:225px;filter:alpha(opacity=25);-moz-opacity:.25;opacity:.25;background:url(http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a131/RobinGDFellow/storm.jpg)"><br /></div></center><br /><center><p style="width:380px;text-align:justify;position:relative;top center:-225px;font-family:Times,serif,Georgia;color:#660000;"><br /><marquee style="width:100%;height:30px;color:black;filter:alpha(opacity=50);-moz-opacity:.50;opacity:.50;font-size:medium;" scrollamount=1 scrolldelay=100 behavior="scroll" DIRECTION="up">...........reluctance of joy BY Red........................... <br /><br />Would that if I'm able to leap & sing to my heart's content that I would, I really would. But what is it that claimed me otherwise is somewhat a sombre expression that had begun in which even I could not start to comprehend (let alone others...). I should be laughing, smiling profusely because forces which are beyond my control inadvertantly decided that the time had come for one to embrace the smile of a man whom I hold so dear. For all that I had given a fraction of what's left that pumpeth the blood which courses through my veins. I fear...How can I? How could I when thousands suffered in silence were that do my suffering pales in comparison? No, I don't think so, nor the average sheep. <br /><br />Why then is there this reluctance of joy that I feel as we were taught to be content & grateful for the things we have & do not? <br /><br />Suddenly I felt the need to be in another place & I hate it when they say they do not understand when all they did was choose not to. <br /><br />Ultimately I succumbed, broken at the thought that I am so easily beaten...to the fact I, unmistakably knew at first light like always, that I could always reach out with my arms and pull you into embrace...of trust!</marquee></p></center>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4114151.post-89564251136757950942006-12-21T02:30:00.000+08:002008-12-11T00:08:39.983+08:00<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhV9xv88l3BMpYr7lidhqYXXWeMIbviij5zBv_1uESucSXWyuHC3-ZZlPJKvcH8mNAuqgZIedMxRcPGDl-GnQH0cR0rD_i0oegisQsoOm3ittSrej81rNON4fvf418PlklqgNh8ig/s1600-h/gensomaden_saiyuki040.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5010685443923999202" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhV9xv88l3BMpYr7lidhqYXXWeMIbviij5zBv_1uESucSXWyuHC3-ZZlPJKvcH8mNAuqgZIedMxRcPGDl-GnQH0cR0rD_i0oegisQsoOm3ittSrej81rNON4fvf418PlklqgNh8ig/s320/gensomaden_saiyuki040.jpg" border="0" /></a> <br /><div>I'm a great fan of anime. One of my all time fav is Gensomaden Saiyuki, it's a pseudo-Journey to the West anime. It has the monk and his 3 disciples which, thankfully, replaced the original characters with cool looking dudes with special powers.<br /><br />Anyway, I remembered watching this series with a particular storyline...where a war god went rogue. He whacked alot of people including the monk and his disciples to steal the holy scripture in a desperate attempt to recreate the world.<br /><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5010685443923999218" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdv4DNkMcg1vgf5ueAeQ8uJxLPVStWc-z0Yb9gTWxvH4nMwLCCruHEUR8GffWuwpkOa2wHsLr_ScvEcYNvD5y_UpfEhtX9LjB6XEmzKKKVyuyzmBnMeAI9Tf1eNO88Rzxlyd0eHg/s320/homura.jpg" border="0" /><br />Why would a war god do (Homura) that? He fell in love but according to the laws of heaven he is prohibited from doing such humanly act. And Homura almost succeeded until a convenient genetic flaw (he is half human btw) in his body threatened his life, which gave the monk the opportunity to wound him. Until the very end, I realized that Homura actually allowed himself to be defeated and killed. The truth was that Homura knew his ideals would never be accepted in the real world in the first place. He went rogue because he was dying and he wanted to see his ideals, dreams and passion come to life. A got a revelation before he died...the monk hated the world too!<br />I read somewhere that every each one of us are a microcosm. We are our own world. We can create our own...so then are we...Gods? Yes?</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com