The Reversed Edge

2010-01-09T09:39:00.002+08:00

I know...don't ever seem to have the time nor the leisure. Many things happened. Hoping to pick it up again. Was hoping this new year, things'll be different. so there...

2008-10-30T17:26:00.001+08:00

PART II

Life was much simpler when I was a kid. My family wasn't well off but we got by decently. Most of the toys I had were handed down by my brother. I had this fire truck made from a block of wood. It had a bell on it and a ladder. I used to lie on my tummy for hours playing with it. Actually, I wasn't really playing with it, rather I was fixated on it. I would just look at it and touching every part of it as if I'm trying to understand how each part works. I don't have that many toys so I sometimes improvised. The umbrella was a popular prop in my repertoire. Not that I used it for a re-enactment of Mary Poppins, I assure you. I was really into science-fiction and in those days there was a show called Space 1999. It had all these techno gadgets and space ships that really excited me. Anyway, I never made passed 15 mins of the show before I went on to stage my own Space 1999.

Which reminds me, tv shows and movies are major triggers to my spacing out, that's why I don't last long watching them. I had to constantly shift my focus elsewhere before returning to watch it. But allow me to digress a bit.

There's 2 different spacing-out that I do. The 1st would be like high on weed kinda spacing out. Yeah, no kidding. The 2nd would be totally hyper-focused type of spacing-out. This usually happens when I'm working on or doing something. I would just be too focused on it that I tune out everything around me. Some of my friends were amazed that I could carry on doing calculus with chaos around me as if it were nothing. Sometimes, I deliberately listen to metal music to focus on my studies. It's like a neat trick actually.

Back to the story, I basically pretended that the umbrella was a satellite dish. I would open up almost every umbrella in the house, which drove my mom nuts, until I reach this paper umbrella we had. Its a green colored umbrella made of paper and wood. It had this smell, akin to sandalwood that I liked. I would keep opening it and closing it and look at the spokes inside the umbrella move. It carried on for a period of time until my mom got fed up, I think, and told me that a snake will come out of the umbrellas if I keep playing with it in the house!

Growing up in the typical malay ghetto, I was fed with many old wives tales and superstitions. I remembered one in particular which is pegged by a memory of when I was around five years old; I had been playing with a paper umbrella, imagining it was a satellite dish with an awesome capability of shooting out laser beams at the neighbouring block of flat. My mother was a stern disciplinarian, and when she caught sight of what I was doing, she relieved me of my space oddity and told me that opening an umbrella in the house was a bad omen. Upon seeing how I just staring at her blankly, she prompted further, telling me that a snake may appear if one insists on playing with the brolly within the house. I was dumbfounded at the then recently supplied information.

Usually, a malay kid, during my time, would pretty well leave it alone. Me however, started to analyse scientifically as to how in the hell could a snake appear out of the paper brolly? It became an obsession. I began to think that if it could really materialize snakes out of thin air, then an umbrella is truly an ingenious piece of invention! It's the whole satellite shape & structure of it! It could somehow metaphysically induce teleportation beyond the grasp of technology of that time! Thus began the lab observation for me. Of course when my parents weren't at home when I conducted it. I would open up the paper umbrella and stare at it for hours. My brother used to tease me that I've gone fruit loops, while my sister would just be amused by my idiosyncracy. After a couple of days, I deduced, to my own disappointment, that a paper umbrella does not have the abilities I thought it would. Frustrated, I confronted my parents, paper umbrella in one hand, my rubber hammer in the other. I handed the umbrella to my mother and asked her to open it and that if a snake did come out of thin air, I'd clobber it with my hammer. Show me the magic! It was my mother's turn to be dumbfounded. My dad, he just looked at and me and let out the most hearty laugh.

I was six when an incident happened that made me realized something. There were some sporting event going on and everybody was watching the tube. I remembered not understanding why everybody got all excited about. The tube was going on about athletes breaking records when it hit me. Well, if that was all it took to impress people, that's easy. So I went into my father's collection and broke a few records (vinyl). Well the reaction I got from everyone wasn't what I really expected. There are many incidents similar to this one. I take things literally. Nowadays, even. Sometimes people would talk to me but it takes awhile for me to respond. When this happens, I usually kinda take a breather and take the time to analyse what was relayed to me so as not to appear I was taking it literally. It took a lifetime for me to train myself. To others, I appear seemingly dense.

I had my share of nasty remarks thrown at me regarding this while my friends made fun of it thinking that I was clowning around. I even got labelled as the clown within my circle of friends. A label I just took to satisfy the need to belong. Nowadays, I know better.

2008-10-23T13:27:00.000+08:00

Me, Myself & I...

PART I

There are may things in my lifetime that I do not truly understand. My initial thought regarding alot of things was that, as I move through time, I'd mature and soon those mysteries would unravel. Besides, isn't that what people say all the time? "Someday you'll understand." Which, is to suggest that, in time, I will come across a similar situation, and because I'm dealing with it, I would be able to comprehend it. "It" being a relative term. Hence, my dilemma.

The thing is, over time, I would probably be better equipped in dealing with 'It", simply because of experience. Not by my own person but by way of observation and literature. Having knowledge about "It" allows me to deal with it, with uncanny precision even. Yet, it doesn't mean I understood. Or why "It" should be dealt with as such.

Let's leave "It" for a moment as you, the reader, may not be able to make out the point I;m making at the moment. But, you will.

For those who knows me, a few or maybe a lot of things that is about to be mentioned may sound ludicrous or strange/far-fetched. Well, if that happens, relax. Nobody's perfect, especially me.

I was frowned upon when I was a kid growing up. Why? Simply because I did a series of odd things in my time. And I don't play well with others. Not that I was a pitbull or anything, it's just that I wasn't interested in mixing it up with other kids. On times that I actually do play with other kids; I was forced to. Got no choice when you're up against stern Sisters at the convent pre school. Of times I was mixing it up out of freewill, it's because I needed numbers to achieve my objective. I didn't actually do that to make friends or make merry. In a way, I just used them. After all that, I would go about my own business in a corner somewhere.

Reading came naturally to me. I remembered being able to read as early as 3 years old. I know that nowadays whats with the pre-school programmes and such, kids are able to read simple vocabs. Nothing special about it. Except, I wasn't reading picture cards. It was the Straits Times. Though, I have always attributed this to my late father's habit of deep reading. He used to read with me on his lap thus, he may have imparted some reading skills albeit undeliberate. Then I would have weird fascination with certain words. Not due to its meanings but rather how it sounded. Sometimes, it would be phrases. "Of course" was one them. Don't ask me why. I was fascinated with the word "Phoenix" for a long, long time, even to the point of obsessing about it. As a result, kindergarten was pretty boring for me, the only thing I was really learning was Chinese. I got a lot of grief as to how I wouldn't listen to teachers and stuff, because I'd go on about my own business most of the time. Oh, and I like to snatch things from other kids. They're usually crayons. I simply wanted to use 'em. I got whacked by my mom for that. I didn't know what I did wrong except I was never to snatch things from other kids. On top of that, teachers wrote that I was "dreaming in class" in my report card.

I supposedly 'dreamt' in class all the way to secondary school. No kidding. Teachers were probably annoyed and wrote it my report book. It became a norm to my parents whenever I did badly in assessments or exams, to attribute it to my "dreaming in class", and that I wasn't paying attention to what was delivered during lessons. I can't argue about that. Frankly, school was hell for me. All the attention and focus I had to give was driving me nuts. But everybody else was doing it, so I struggled. I totally have a problem about spacing out. I space out constantly. The only thing I do to stop it is by looking at people's eyes when they speak. This is a problem for me because I feel very agitated staring into people's eyes. Through the years, I had trained myself to appear normal when conversing with other people because they often look at me funny when I don't. I didn't realize it was rude not to look at them when they are talking. In the early years, when people talk to me, I would look at something else. The trunk of their body for example. Or feet. The worst will be me fixating at other things. My parents would often 'correct' me on this. It was for the best, I thought because I would space out if I don't force myself. I've come across many people who are annoyed at me for ignoring them, or at least it's what they thought. There were many times when my friends saw me down the street and call my name out only to find me unresponsive, even after waving wildly at me. Sometimes, they were even standing beside me and talking to me and I wouldn't have a clue. It was embarrassing to say the least. To make it up, I would apologize and suggested that they should give me a little nudge in the future, if it happens again. More often than not, I would give the excuse of having my attention on some hot chick passing by to cover up. I constantly had to make up excuses or lied. I became real good at lying to cover up whatever I was doing because I didn't want to appear as being retarded and laughed along with my friends, passing it as something silly. If only they all knew it's because I couldn't help it. This trait is the foundation of what people would describe me as being: aloof, distant, dreamer....etc.

Over the years, I managed to somewhat control myself from spacing out too far. Though I'll admit it's such a chore. When I was young, spacing out could prove to be dangerous. There were times that I could've gotten seriously hurt because I wasn't aware of things around me.

2008-09-27T14:09:00.001+08:00

We have been told time and again that perception is reality. In a sense, It is true; our perception do color what we think, say and do. It affects our behavior. For example, we can cary a perception that our treatment of others as merely being 'candid', or 'honest'. We often hear the people who like to proclaim themselves as being straightforward. And because they perceive the attitude they express as being acceptable, they fail to see that others may interpret the behavior as rude treatment of others. They hold on to that perception right until someone think they had enough putting up with their crap and decides to put them in their place! Still people carry on thinking what they do is 'right'.

Our perception have intrinsic value only as they correspond closely to the reality that surrounds us. Illusions leads to confusion, inconsistency and they sabotage our goals.

Why does it work?

Illusions are powerful attractions that, in turn, give off powerful suggestions in our minds. So much that it compels us to discard reality and embrace the false hope it portrays. It's also very easy to base our lives on tradition and 2nd hand opinions - better to make decisions on hearsay, presumptions and inferences than to think for ourselves. We cannot deny that the truth is often ugly. It is ugly because we are in a constant state of denial. To embrace it, is to admit to one self's flaws and weakness. Thus, better a pleasant lie rather than the ugly truth.

The fact is, Perception isn't reality. Perception is perception and it could be either right or wrong, good or bad. It all depends on, to a great extent, how well it aligns in the long run with reality. (James R. Lucas)

"People live their lives bound by what they accept as correct and true. That's how they define reality. But, what does it mean to be 'correct' or 'true'? Merely vague concepts. Their reality may all be an illusion. Can we consider them simply be living in their oen world, shaped y their own beliefs?" (Uchiha Itachi)

2008-09-26T13:40:00.000+08:00

How many times has it been that we find ourselves tuck away in a corner on a weekend with nothing to do but ponder?

Those who are lucky enough to get themselves busy doing something somehow realize in their midst of choring, it’ll last just as long as it is done.

Ultimately our imperfection pave way to a greater need in our very existence. We need a companion in this life no matter how fiercely independent we are. We need to personify our confidence in this reality. Thus, the need to enter into a relationship.

Abraham Maslow classified this behavior as a psychological need in his hierarchy. The human need to be loved and give love. It was a form of self validation. Apparently, we all need our existence to be acknowledged. We need to be important. And in turn, we acknowledge the significance of others' existence.

....I truly have no idea where I'm going with this....if I ever had a point, it had eluded by the 2nd sentence....anyway...

"Everyone in the world need someone that they can depend on, be they faithful friends, determined advocates or a loving family. But occasionally in life, the people we thought would always be there for us leave. And if that happens, it's amazing the lengths we go to, to get them back."

2008-09-24T14:25:00.001+08:00

A poet once said, "All our words are but crumbs that fall down from the feast of the mind."

I hadn't been updating my blog for the past year simply because the buffet table is empty. I'm not sure how to explain it except that the juices stopped flowing. Something happened that made me hit the pause button.

I hadn't been working for just as long so I'm like literally broke which, is to say that the time spent in the hiatus had not been entirely unproductive. I went back to school to further my studies and maybe I'll land a pretty decent job in the near future. The courses started out with me taking up the social sciences but I reiterated halfway to focus on a business core.

Classes are interesting except for the IT stuff. I'm not saying that they aren't interesting but it's pretty dry stuff to absorb. Besides, there wasn't anything new for me there. To be fair, I had taken up computer science several years ago. I hated the programming modules cos it made my head feel funny every time we had to write a program. It makes me focus real hard and lose awareness of everything around me- once I had like 3 or 4 guys literally screaming for my attention cos I kinda switched them off. It happens. So anyway, there's also Math classes that I had to take, particularly Statistics.

Also made some new friends. Well, actually they kinda approached me and tried to break the ice. I was civil. What else can I say? Oh, and they mistook me for an Indonesian or a Stani (stah-nee). Ok, Stani is just something I came up with to stereotype all those people in central asia and those not, like Pakistan and Afghanistan. Whatever.

Now that I've reasonably brought my hiatus to speed, I guess it's time for me to get to the core of this entry. I have wrote a lot of entries in the past depicting voids and my impression of things around me. And because of that, I have been accused of having a good insight. I'd say that it's just because I'm able to distance myself. But the thing is, everything I wrote before is a deep mystery to me. When it comes to emotions, I'm not particularly clueless. Just that it's difficult to relate.

There was an entry where I wrote that I enjoy being with my close friends who are having meaningful conversations but with me not contributing at all. This is because I don't know if I should and if I did want to, I wouldn't know what to say. And on those times where I do actually open my mouth, it's usually some random joke or punchline that leaves everyone else gaping at me. Otherwise, I'd give an honest thought or opinion that often comes off which, a friend termed it as 'abrasive'. So, I made a choice to keep my mouth shut. It's better this way cos I don't really like to talk at all. I think I'm silly when I do it. Which is fine as it made me a better listener.

The thing is, I do 'odd' things. I personally think they aren't, but. I've been labelled many things. Weird is one of them. I don't really care but when there's too many labels, it kinda motivate you to find empirical evidence. And recently, I stumbled upon a revelation. I found out something about myself that took me by surprise on so many levels. The good thing about it was that it answered all these questions that I had. I knew ever since I was a child that I was different from the other kids. Or why I keep failing at relationships -which made me totally question myself about the whole sexuality thing! Growing up, I was too busy trying to mimick what everybody else was doing, with little success and it's time I stop trying to be who I am not. I've come to terms and accept myself. I don't know how many of my 'friends' are reading this blog and I'm not sure I wanna face that just yet. But if you are a 'friend' and you're reading this, I only ask you not to judge. At this stage of my life, I'm coming out to myself.

I'M AN ASPIE!

And I kinda like it that way...

"No man can reveal to you nothing but that which already lies half-asleep in the dawning of your knowledge."

2007-08-04T00:07:00.000+08:00

People always choose to see magicks & parlor tricks.
Old people with squinted eyes and ragged wigs.
Sitting high with handful of beads.
With whose strength without that each eth seek'd.
But say ye foul with mouth's beak.

2007-07-04T00:21:00.000+08:00

Darwin's Nightmare is truly a in-your-face picture in the wake of capitalism. Watching this picture gives you a raw aspect of life in Africa and the disturbing reality that we succeed in 'taking what we don't need'.
Bureaucratic bastards mentioning that the fishery in Lake Victoria are of high standards. How ironic that the very fish that destroyed the eco balance in the lake becomes the source of livelihood for the fishermen there. And that that very fish may be the reason for their own destruction.
It appalls me to no end that we still exploit this continent, this well of mother nature. If watching Hotel Rwanda stirs something within you, I'd say watching this picture will jolt it out of slumber.
The best I've watched so far. If anything, watching this'll humble you a little bit more in this lifetime.

2007-06-28T00:21:00.000+08:00

It's not much but it sure as hell could tick off a whole lot of people. It's a freewill thing. Yet, people don't truly understand the meaning of the word. Or rather, what it means to exercise it.
I'm happy for those who found their purpose in life; they succeeded. I'm happy that they are happy. Happy that they want to share that happiness. That's good. Noble even. Just don't shove it down other people's throat. You'd end up making a bunch of people UN-happy. Just because the road you're traveling on brings you to your journey, it doesn't necessarily leads to mine.
It frustrates you because I ain't buying what you're selling. Then you start to ask me why.
Simple. I don't need it.
Why?
*sigh*
Why??
*sigh~*
Tell me why???
shove...throat...UN-happy...you're doing it.
..............wha....?
yeah, that's what I thought.

Freewill.

2007-06-11T23:35:00.000+08:00

I have been given the chance upon new friendships and I gazed through my small window only to find that it was never small to begin with.
Although world's apart, their stories once again found me humbled.
And I know for certain that uncertainty is dawning and only have myself as a wager.

2007-05-16T23:50:00.000+08:00

It's interesting to see people who hold their heads up high so that they could breathe when water are up to their necks. Perhaps, they believe they've succeeded to survive when we can actually see them drowning.

I should cast out a line and pull them to safety...but I am such a sadistic bastard. I'll enjoy watching them squirm for awhile before even considering.

2007-05-05T02:21:00.000+08:00

ichizoku... ichizoku... Souiu antara onore no "utsuwa" no ookisa wo hakari chigae ore no "utsuwa" no fukasa wo shiranu kara ima soko ni haitsukubatteru. Soshiki ni shuuchakushi ichizoku ni shuuchakushi na ni shuuchaku suru... Sore wa onore wo seiyakushi onore no "utsuwa" wo kimetsukeru imubekikoto soshite madaminu... Shiranu mono wo osorenikushimu rokashikikoto!!

Attachment to organization...attachment to clan....why attach at all?
That's merely the detestable action of restricting yourself and limiting your own 'container'. People are too busy comparing and showing off how big their 'container' are that they forget how deep it could get.

People fear and hate those they don't understand.

2007-04-25T05:35:00.000+08:00

Conversation will not corrupt us if we come to the assembly in our own garb and speech and with the energy of health to select what is ours and reject what is not. Society we must have; but let it be society, and not exchanging news or eating from the same dish. Is it society to sit in one of your chairs ? I cannot go to the houses of my nearest relatives, because I do not wish to be alone. Society exists by chemical affinity, and not other-wise.

Put any company of people together with freedom for conversation, and a rapid self-distribution takes place into sets and pairs. The best are accused of exclusiveness. It would be more true to say they separate as oil from water, as children from old people, without love or hatred in the matter, each seeking his like; and any interference with the affinities would produce constraint and suffocation. All conversation is a magnetic experiment. I know that my friend can talk eloquently ; you know that he cannot articulate a sentence : we have seen him in different company. Assort your party, or invite none. Put Stubbs and Coleridge, Quintilian and Aunt Miriam, into pairs, and you make them all wretched. Leave them to seek their own mates, and they will be as merry as sparrows.

Sadly, it's hardly realized as more often than not, those closest to you takes the bond which existed for granted. And when they've gone twilight, we often find ourselves asking - Why?

2007-04-24T13:32:00.000+08:00

Faith is an oasis in the heart which can never be reached by the caravan of thinking.

That was what a wise man said once. It's a shame that a blind man may never see what an oasis looked like but he sure knows the depth of thirst it quenches.

2006-12-31T15:22:00.000+08:00

It's a holiday today. And in its true classic sense of the word - Holy Day. The Muslims celebrates this day pretty much throughout the globe. Though it actually shouldn't be monopolized just by the Muslims. Fact is, it's as much a holiday for the Christians and Jews as well. Most Christians I knew would actually stare at me blankly whenever I suggested this to them. "Why?" they always seemed to ask..so I decide to give a little recap...

You can find this story in the book of Genesis 22:1-13.

After these things God tested Abraham, and said to him, "Abraham!" And he said, "Here am I."

He said, "Take your son, your only son Isaac, whom you love, and go to the land of Mori'ah, and offer him there as a burnt offering upon one of the mountains of which I shall tell you."

So Abraham rose early in the morning, saddled his ass, and took two of his young men with him, and his son Isaac; and he cut the wood for the burnt offering, and arose and went to the place of which God had told him.

On the third day Abraham lifted up his eyes and saw the place afar off.

Then Abraham said to his young men, "Stay here with the ass; I and the lad will go yonder and worship, and come again to you."

And Abraham took the wood of the burnt offering, and laid it on Isaac his son; and he took in his hand the fire and the knife. So they went both of them together.

And Isaac said to his father Abraham, "My father!" And he said, "Here am I, my son." He said, "Behold, the fire and the wood; but where is the lamb for a burnt offering?"

Abraham said, "God will provide himself the lamb for a burnt offering, my son." So they went both of them together.

When they came to the place of which God had told him, Abraham built an altar there, and laid the wood in order, and bound Isaac his son, and laid him on the altar, upon the wood.

Then Abraham put forth his hand, and took the knife to slay his son.

But the angel of the LORD called to him from heaven, and said, "Abraham, Abraham!" And he said, "Here am I."

He said, "Do not lay your hand on the lad or do anything to him; for now I know that you fear God, seeing you have not withheld your son, your only son, from me."

And Abraham lifted up his eyes and looked, and behold, behind him was a ram, caught in a thicket by his horns; and Abraham went and took the ram, and offered it up as a burnt offering instead of his son.

And you can find this in the Quran, 37:99-111 (Al Saffat)

37:99-111 Al Saffat

[37:99] He said, "I am going to my Lord; He will guide me."
[37:100] "My Lord, grant me righteous children."
[37:101] We gave him good news of a good child.
[37:102] When he grew enough to work with him, he said, "My son, I see in a dream that I am sacrificing you. What do you think?" He said, "O my father, do what you are commanded to do. You will find me, GOD willing, patient."
[37:103] They both submitted, and he put his forehead down (to sacrifice him).

God Intervenes to Save Abraham and Ismail

[37:104] We called him: "O Abraham.
[37:105] "You have believed the dream." We thus reward the righteous.
[37:106] That was an exacting test indeed.
[37:107] We ransomed (Ismail) by substituting an animal sacrifice.
[37:108] And we preserved his history for subsequent generations.
[37:109] Peace be upon Abraham.
[37:110] We thus reward the righteous.
[37:111] He is one of our believing servants.

Of course, after going through the above excerpts from respective scriptures, you'd notice that there's one distinctive difference that is between Isaac & Ishmael. I'm not going to make comparative argument on this subject...the scholars already did that. The Jews' version is somewhat parallel to the Christians, but basically the story is almost the same. Abraham was tested by God into giving his son for sacrifice. Today is a commemoration of Abraham & his son's submission to God.
This event is actually very significant and (I believe) should be the key for a common ground betwixt 3 religions. This is one day that the Jews, Christians & Muslims can celebrate in perfect harmony.

2006-12-30T07:16:00.000+08:00

Seandainya aku ikuti rasa, pasti sudah lumat bibirmu merah tak terkata.
Sengih sejengkal tak berupa, bagaikan gagak berlagak hendak meneka.
Bertahun engkau menghidang, mengukir senyuman dikalangan teman.
Mereka suka dan engkau tertawa, benih engkau semai bajakan cuka.
Salahkah teman, salahkah mereka? Kekuranganmu sendiri menjadi hiba TAPI TIDAK!
Engkau temukan ikan disebelah dinding berjala, kau santau teman umpan berkaca.
Lama dah ku tahu dan lama ku menduga, berdiam aku mengharapkan kau sedar perbuatanmu.
Makin di diamkan makin menggerutu. Macam jerawat susu!
Akan ku ukur ekar kau seluas ruang tanah dan biar disini ia tertulis,
Obat bagi engkau hanyalah selayar tamparan bugis! Mari sini!!!

2006-12-28T21:03:00.000+08:00

Somebody close to me died today and I'm unable to pay my last respects because we're like a continent apart. So...like things can't get any more worse...!

2006-12-28T08:08:00.000+08:00

Have you ever wondered that one time you truly help your friends? And I'm not talking about small favours. This is the kind of help you gave for saving his/her ass from getting screwed by the mafia...sort of. Why do we do it?
And when it's our ass the mafia's screwing, how come we don't see our friends fending for our lives?
See, that's the problem with 'friends'. They want things unconditionally. They want things free. They want us to entertain them. They want...they want...they WANT!
This time it's not something I want. It's something I need. Silence. I'm done. Are you done?

2006-12-27T00:01:00.000+08:00

Some things should be illegal because it's malicious in nature. I suggest stop wasting taxpayers' money on campaigns that only leads to oblivion. Why campaign at all when it only leads to segregation?
In some places it is illegal to place ads that even remotely suggests discrimination, between sexes. Like "Male working environment" for example. Or "Must be able to speak Urdu". To the brainwashed community, failure to see the logic in this argument is a norm. Oh, but we do practice equality of Rights, don't we?. And here I thought English was the language of administration. Did I get that right? Or it actually only applies to the administrators?
The papers love to propagate statics like "124,000 jobs created" which to me reeks of ambiguity. For whom those jobs are created for anyway? Oh foolish me, it's probably for those millions of people who came from abroad.
The day will come when I witness one of our neighbours to win the 1st Millionth Visitor lottery. Do neighbours qualify? Or this lottery only eligible for those living effectively outside 2500 miles radius?
It is a wonder at times, for me, to be better off speaking suomi. It would've defaulted my mind mapping over this subject.
Harmony would mean different voices on different pitch to sing together as one, thus creating a chord. Imagine that campaign's song sung together on different languages at the same time.
How'd you expect to harmonize when you're letting the singers sing the same song but different words?
Perhaps equating harmony to noise were the objective after all.

2006-12-24T09:47:00.000+08:00

I wonder what went thru Rob Flynn's mind when he wrote this...

Well She looked right into my eyes and said to me
The hurt that you try to hide is killing me
You drink a thousand lies, to freeze the past in time

I've tried to fill this silence up
But now it's back again

See the pain in my eyes
see the scars deep inside
My God, I'm down in this hole again
With the laughter I smile
with the tears that I cry
Keep going down this road called life

She says that I'm insecure, I guess she's right
'Cause just when I think I'm sure, alone at night
the agonies come back, this pain won't let me be

I try to fill the silence up
but now it's back again

See the pain in my eyes
see the scars deep inside
My God, I'm down in this hole again
With the laughter I smile
with the tears that I cry
Keep going down this road called life
Don't need your sympathy
I just want for this silence to stop killing me

It's deafening
it's deafening
this silence inside me

I try to fill the silence up
but now it's back again
It's empty like a suicide this pain inside

See the pain in my eyes
see the scars deep inside
My God, I'm down in this hole again
With the laughter I smile
with the tears that I cry
Keep going down this road called life
Don't need your sympathy
I just want for this silence to stop killing me.

We lower the volume of our tv sets, radio or voice because it is distracting. And we completely silence it perhaps, to find some peace. More often than not, we get annoyed at children who banged tables or drop their toys to the floor just so they can hear it make noise. As if our very primary instinct commands us to drown the emptiness around us, thus we make sound. Any sound, if not to fill the silence, it's an assurance that we are able to call for the attention that we all so desperately need.

2006-12-23T18:45:00.000+08:00

I am steadily into that mode where without warning..!DAMAGE! so the music's gotta change fer now.

2006-12-23T03:20:00.000+08:00

Firstly, I think I'm gonna go easy on the codes. I was about 2 seconds away from thrashing my computer all because of blogger's blog editor. Blogger provides 2 interface to work with, one is the text editor so you can fiddle with your codes, and the other, I suppose, are for dumb people like me who does the editing visually. Initially I thought the visual editor (this is where u see the tab 'Compose') was a great tool. You can move your pics about, resize them, link, fiddle with fonts & colors albeit somewhat limited ways. I was happy I tell ya. Until, I decided to rediscover HTML codes & CSS...
I've been using CoffeeCup HTML Editor, which is a great tool btw, to do my coding and then paste it into blogger. It was great, everything works...at first, until I switched to 'Compose', where I thought I could do a bit fine tuning. So when I clicked on preview everything went wrong! Needless to say, I quickly switched back to 'Edit Html' to see what's going on...did I mess up? NO!!!
Somehow, the blogger editor went on and decide on its own to change the codes! I mean...why would the fuck it wanna do that? Huh? Bodo nyer computer!
I mean..I would really lose it if I didn't think to use CoffeeCup in the first place cos all the codes would be useless to me.
LOL...guess some wouldn't get why I'm so upset. Well...I'm totally useless when it comes to art. Can't draw squats! When I was yaking the O levels, my school actually did not let me take art! So here I am able to create something pretty and nice...and then the STUPID EDITOR HAD TO GO SMARTASS ON ME!!! Such a fuckin asshole! And yeah I know the cybernetic world prolly have no asshole to speak of...go to gay porn sites..u get plenty of ass there!! AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGHH!!!
that's better...

2006-12-22T12:35:00.000+08:00

Did you know that the...

Zodiac is a narrow band of 18° wide,
making a complete circuit of the sky around the earth.This complete
circle is known to the occultist as Eternal Life. And according to
astrology, the fate of mankind was decided by the position of the
stars. The chief gods of the zodiac were actually the 7 planets
located throughout giving 36 sectors atogether with each sector
10° of the zodiacal circle. It is here where our present time
keeping originated from. The sun dial & our mechanical clock is
derived from the 12 houses of Zodiac.
Fortune-tellers rely on this system to dish out their cookie.
Go to any fortune teller. Be it whether they use playing cards
or charts...etc. It is based on this astrological formula.
Oh by the way...the common playing cards are designed from this
zodiac theory as well...
Don't believe me? I've mentioned this to my friends before
and it never failed to amuse me when they finally found the
connection. So here goes...

36 no. cards in a 52-card deck.
One card each represents the 52 weeks with 12 face
cards - 4 Kings, 4 Queens, 4 Jacks & 4 Aces
that represents the 4 seasons. Think about it.
Would you believe...if I'd say all these are
connected to Satan???

2006-12-21T23:34:00.000+08:00

...........reluctance of joy BY Red...........................

Would that if I'm able to leap & sing to my heart's content that I would, I really would. But what is it that claimed me otherwise is somewhat a sombre expression that had begun in which even I could not start to comprehend (let alone others...). I should be laughing, smiling profusely because forces which are beyond my control inadvertantly decided that the time had come for one to embrace the smile of a man whom I hold so dear. For all that I had given a fraction of what's left that pumpeth the blood which courses through my veins. I fear...How can I? How could I when thousands suffered in silence were that do my suffering pales in comparison? No, I don't think so, nor the average sheep.

Why then is there this reluctance of joy that I feel as we were taught to be content & grateful for the things we have & do not?

Suddenly I felt the need to be in another place & I hate it when they say they do not understand when all they did was choose not to.

Ultimately I succumbed, broken at the thought that I am so easily beaten...to the fact I, unmistakably knew at first light like always, that I could always reach out with my arms and pull you into embrace...of trust!

2006-12-21T02:30:00.000+08:00

I'm a great fan of anime. One of my all time fav is Gensomaden Saiyuki, it's a pseudo-Journey to the West anime. It has the monk and his 3 disciples which, thankfully, replaced the original characters with cool looking dudes with special powers.

Anyway, I remembered watching this series with a particular storyline...where a war god went rogue. He whacked alot of people including the monk and his disciples to steal the holy scripture in a desperate attempt to recreate the world.

Why would a war god do (Homura) that? He fell in love but according to the laws of heaven he is prohibited from doing such humanly act. And Homura almost succeeded until a convenient genetic flaw (he is half human btw) in his body threatened his life, which gave the monk the opportunity to wound him. Until the very end, I realized that Homura actually allowed himself to be defeated and killed. The truth was that Homura knew his ideals would never be accepted in the real world in the first place. He went rogue because he was dying and he wanted to see his ideals, dreams and passion come to life. A got a revelation before he died...the monk hated the world too!
I read somewhere that every each one of us are a microcosm. We are our own world. We can create our own...so then are we...Gods? Yes?

2006-12-20T03:00:00.000+08:00

Boom! Boom! Boom! The bass & drums pounded heavily through the speakers while the laser lights probed relentlessly over the sea of bodies that covered the dancefloor. There wasn't much you can do, except grind on each other!

I just got to know her like 15mins ago and here she was, rubbing her entire body over mine. Hell, we were practically having sex with our clothes on! It was a real hot and steamy situation and I became aware of the growing number pair of eyes watching us...or rather her. Oh man...this girl was like sex on a stick, I tell ya.

I swear the Dj must've dried his nuts cos the next song was such a chiz! And it kinda ruined the whole thing. And people started heading back to their seats...wherever! This chick was still, like stuck on me, so I offered to buy her a drink but she counter offered me to blow the club over to her place...which I politely declined.

D'uh!!! I know..I know...my buddies smacked me at the back of the head for doing that. Hah! Should look at her face when I rejected her offer! As hot as it sounds..I was only interested in dancing with her...sounds gay doesn't it?

Still, let's think about it for a minute. Well yeah, she's good to go..and perhaps I would've gone with her if I was in my army days. Fact is..She wasn't real. So you feel good for the night...but what then? I'm over it. You'll learn over time that those who indulge in one night stands are only disrespecting themselves....OMG!!! Did I just actully say that???

Well...you have to grow sometimes...

2006-12-19T02:01:00.000+08:00

7 POUND VEIN ppl!! Check 'em out! Think I'm gonna be there.....

2006-12-17T09:29:00.000+08:00

We all carry something with us. Of course, its nice if we tavel with someone who can help lighten the load. But usually its easy to just drop what we've been carrying, so we can get home that much sooner. Assuming of course, there will be someone there to greet us when we arrive.

Why do we clutch at this baggage even when we're desperate to move on?

Because we all know there is a chance that we might let go too soon...

2006-12-14T09:18:00.000+08:00

I just spent hours talking to a very close friend and I am upset at what happened to him. I do not have the liberty of discussing here about his issues but I'll say betrayal is one son of a bitch you'd love to kill.

And to her, I'll leave these words (I know...):

We all have reasons for rewriting history. Sometimes, we need to provide ourselves alibis. Sometimes we want to hurt someone who have hurt us. And then there are times we just want to spare ourselves embarassment. Of course, there are some who feel to rewrite history is just another way to lie. But what is history anyway, with a set of lies agreed upon?

Is this what you have begu to embrace?

2006-12-13T03:47:00.000+08:00

I never could really understand women...whenever they're confronted, they lash out. Then men hit back (metaphorically of course!). This goes on...forever, to the point of being stupid and at times, the expense of others. pffft!

Men are so much easier to deal with...when you can't talk no more, let the fists do the talking!
And you bitches can stop sneering cos I'd just pulled a fast one on ya. Women...always thinking they're high, sophisticated and mighty.

2006-12-11T23:18:00.000+08:00

The doctors prescribed me painkiller cocktails as well as a mild tranquillizer. I'm stoned all day! They did a scan just to make sure my head's okay. And they insisted that I make a decision soon. Till then I'm free to go.

It's kinda nice to be stoned when you have killer headaches. Hmm...I wonder pot does the job as well. Need to ask a friend about that.

2006-12-11T08:58:00.000+08:00

I kinda anticipated I'll get whacked last night. I've been getting the vibes but I never expected to get slugged a whole 360 degrees turning point! It actually made me lose my equilibrium and crashed over a chair. I don't think I've ever been hit so hard...even during my earlier days!

I experienced that blurry vision thingy...you know like the one you get when you tv's reception's real bad? I think I'd laid down for about 5 or 10 mins before I got hit again...like a kick in the head when you're down.

When I was finally able to get up, seemed I messed myself. The front of my shirt was real bloody. My nose was bleeding real bad. And now I'm dealing with the echo...I could have taken a couple of valiums but thought better. So...downed alot of painkillers and brace myself for the next hit...if it comes. I'm sooo not working today...!

My migraine woes surfaced when I was like four years old and I remembered it hit me very earli in the mornings like at 6am. Remembered that everyone had to hold me down because I was thrashing around hysterically. Not screaming or yelling in pain...but rather I clenched my teeth and kinda held on to my head. Maybe I thought it was gonna explode..lol! But in those days...my migraines were thought to be something else.

I've always held my pains at bay lest everyone knew about it. I grew up with a set of values that thinking to speak of your pains, sufferings, are inevitably signs of weakness. Frankly, this fucked my mind some...especially when I have severe migraine attacks constantly throughout my life, it wasn't until a couple of years ago that I got myself checked up. I grew up being paranoid at receiving attention, especially ones that aren't called for and had to adjust myself into character which has unfortunately drew repercussions. Thus, my natural instinct when faced with extreme difficulty, I go distant...that way, I can deal my own issues privately. It's like a natural circuit breaker. My friends thinks I'm just being aloof, disenchanted, anti-social..or whatever it is they call it...this is just one of the repercussion I have to deal with. Nowadays, I give stern warning to people who complained of havin migraines...go see a doctor.

So let's see...migraine, aneurysm, tumour, slipped-disc, hyper-tension, ADD, autism, irregular heartbeats...hmm tell me how on earth am I ever to deviate from attention..?

2006-12-11T03:14:00.000+08:00

There was a time when we were told that public commuting via MRT was the best way. It's SAFE & FAST. You'd hear tunes like these whenever they wanna build something or want your money. pffft! Anyway these pics came into the email and I'd thought I'd embrace the civil and community spirit by posting these. So...you jumpers have a picture of what it's like after you make the jump.....

THE FOLLOWING PICTURES ARE VERY GRAPHIC. DO NOT CONTINUE IF YOU'RE FAINT HEARTED OR HAVE NATURAL GAG REFLEX TO GORY PICS. FOR THOSE UNDER 18 PLS GET AN ADULT TO SUPERVISE YOU WHILE YOU BROWSE THESE PICTURES. I RATE THIS AS PG-13....

GETTING RAN OVER BY A TRAIN SUX AIN'T IT??

2006-12-09T09:48:00.000+08:00

Don't ask....my sense of humour is on overdrive!

*For those who wants to watch the whole movie, click Here. At first I thought of posting it here at the sidebar, just after the music videos but realize its not so good an idea. 1st the window will be too small. 2nd, I broke it into 10 parts. So for those of you who haven't watch this movie, go on...Click!

2006-12-08T06:24:00.000+08:00

The Son, The Brother and the Father

In times like these I'd always remember you. I'd recall how you'd handle your problems and try it your way. It's difficult though because there were hardly any crisis when you were around. Your steadiness, strength and intellect had been my envy eversince I'd crawled onto your lap and read whatever you were reading. Because of you I was ahead of everyone in class. You always had your nose in some book and I followed suit because that was us. I'd ask only you when I stumbled upon big words, no one else was worthy.
The pen is mightier than the sword or so they say, but I knew you were a Master of both. I had seen your moves and was awed by the strength you hid within. And I knew I wanted to be you. You taught me how to break the codes without actually teaching me. And you gave me a lesson that none was privy to. You were radical too! You stumped professors and scholars with your reasoning and argument without the need to associate with their instituitions!
If people truly knew the knowledge you hold...things I wanted to learn from my Superman.

I sometimes wonder if you were okay with me. Did I handle things the way you'd want me to? God..this is difficult. With just a few lessons you left us to fend for ourselves. Though rough...it's okay, really. Our faculties were well-equipped, thanks to you. But lately...things spun out of control and I don't know what to do. This is something I hadn't learned yet.

You know...sometimes I think you expect too much of me too soon. It's too much to personify the trinity.

2006-12-08T00:35:00.000+08:00

"Where Did All My Friends Go?"

I saw this in a text message and it stumped me for a second.

It's really sad when this happens but we all go through this phase in our own little worlds when we are at our lowest. Though we may just be venting, these sentiments are actually our little fragments of our subconscious embedded in our little voice.

So where are they who laughed with me in merriment when the life is high?

Sometimes friends never went away. It's just us who drifted from them.

2006-12-06T03:37:00.000+08:00

"Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself"—Matthew 19:19. (2nd comandment)

What do we really know about our neighbours? Some of us are lucky we get along very well with the neighbours. Some, to the extend of considering neighbors as family. There are some, also, who needs to deal with neighbours that apparently was spawned from hell itself, it seems.

We do discriminate unconditionally even if we don't realize, that what we are or what we have are better than others. Disagree? How about having 'the best mom in the whole wide world'? Does this mean that other moms aren't as good? Yes. We discriminate, because undoubtedly we are human.

And because of that, we are capable of most anything...!

2006-12-05T05:18:00.000+08:00

I divorce thee, my uncertainty of you;
I divorce thee, thy tainted eyes;
I divorce thee, thy doctrines of thy self righteousness.
Beget me no more of your perfect ideals;
And I shalt not entongue of thy closeted nature.

"Doesn't mean when you see 2 persons in bed naked together, sex was necessarily involved. But, it does make for a very strong case."

THINK.

2006-12-03T09:25:00.000+08:00

Really...don't ask me why I made this vid! Maybe...buat lu orang yang perangai macam bunger ah!!!

2006-12-03T01:37:00.000+08:00

Tatu II

Setelah habis mengenakan tatu di bahu kirinya, kawanku pun tersenyum lebar. Bangga lah tu agaknya. Apabila pembayaran dibereskan, kami pun meninggalkan kedai tatu itu tanpa berkata sepatah pun.

"Kau marah ke?" soal kawanku tadi. Raut wajahnya gelisah.

"Tak ah." jawabku dengan singkat.

"Abih kenapa senyap jer?" masih lagi gelisah agaknya kawan aku yang satu ni.

"Kau nak aku buat apa lagi? Berjoget?" jawab aku lagi, kini suara aku meninggi sedikit.

Sebenarnya bukan apa, penat aku menuggu dia. Hendak ditinggalkan sekejap, dia menghalang. Sampai lapar dan haus tekak aku dibuatnya. Apabila dah sampai ke gerai makan, pekena air teh sedikit, barulah kita bukak story. Kawan aku ternyata masih gelisah dengan perangai aku. Lantas dia bertanyakan jika aku ada bantahan tentang tatunya itu.

Kalaulah kita pandang merata-rata, sememangnya dah rami juga masyarakat muda kita ni dah bertatu. Tengok jer cerita budak² hanyut tu. Bukan sahaja bertatu, malah bersubang satu badan; khususnya kaum lelaki. Yang perempuan bersubang tu...taklah jadi cerita sangat melainkan jika bertatu. Banyak yang aku baca di akhbar dan terlihat di kaca tv iaitu keluhan dari masyarakat, terutama sekali kaum ibu bapa yang berumur sekaligus mengecam tabiat anak² muda bertatu. Berbagai hadis disebut-sebut disertai hukum-hakam mengenai tatu ini.

Salah ke...? Haram ke...?

Cuba kita renungkan.....

45:6 Itulah ayat-ayat penerangan Allah yang kami bacakan kepadamu (wahai Muhammad) kerana menegakkan kebenaran; maka dengan perkataan yang manakah lagi mereka hendak beriman, sesudah penerangan Allah dan tanda-tanda kekuasaanNya (mereka tidak mahu memahami dan menelitinya)?

6:51 Dan berilah amaran dengan Al-Quran itu kepada orang-orang yang merasa takut bahawa mereka akan dihimpunkan kepada Tuhan mereka (pada hari kiamat), (padahal) tiadalah bagi mereka pelindung dan tidak juga pemberi syafaat yang lain dari Allah, supaya mereka bertaqwa.

18:109 Katakanlah (wahai Muhammad): "Kalaulah semua jenis lautan menjadi tinta untuk menulis Kalimah-kalimah Tuhanku, sudah tentu akan habis kering lautan itu sebelum habis Kalimah-kalimah Tuhanku, walaupun Kami tambahi lagi dengan lautan yang sebanding dengannya, sebagai bantuan".

6:114 (Katakanlah wahai Muhammad): "Patutkah aku (terpedaya dengan kata-kata dusta Syaitan-syaitan itu sehingga aku) hendak mencari hakim selain dari Allah, padahal Dia lah yang menurunkan kepada kamu kitab Al-Quran yang jelas nyata kandungannya satu persatu (tentang yang benar dan yang salah)?" Dan orang-orang yang Kami berikan kitab, mengetahui bahawa Al-Quran itu adalah diturunkan dari Tuhanmu dengan sebenar-benarnya. Oleh itu, jangan sekali-kali engkau menjadi (salah seorang) dari golongan yang ragu-ragu.

6:115 Dan telah sempurnalah Kalimah Tuhanmu (Al-Quran, meliputi hukum-hukum dan janji-janjiNya) dengan benar dan adil; tiada sesiapa yang dapat mengubah sesuatupun dari Kalimah-kalimahNya; dan Dia lah yang sentiasa Mendengar, lagi sentiasa Mengetahui.

Buat diriku. Sudah lengkap hukum² yand ditentukan dalam Al Furqan. Sudah pun diberi garis pandu yang jelas tentang hias diri kita.

Memang benar, tiada ayat dalam kitab Al Qur'an yang menyatakan khusus tentang bersubang mahupun bertatu dan juga soal halal dan haramnya. Justeru, sebagai umat yang beriman, kita harus menentukan buat diri kita apa yang baik dan buruk dalam konteks keseluruhan kitab Al Qur'an.

Jadi...Salah ke...? Haram ke...?

2006-12-01T03:26:00.000+08:00

Tatu

[ntah aper kene aku nak blog Bahasa Melayu lak...!]
Town. Itulah destinasi kawanku yang sejak subuh tadi telah menelefonku supaya menemaninya. Buat apa? Aku pun belum pasti lagi. Namun, aku ni jenis manusia yang gemar berbakti pada kawan². Tambahan pula, aku ni jarang soal menyoal hal orang. Apa² pun Go ajer!
Tetapi, kadang-kala wajib juga aku bertanya. Maklumlah, dah beberapa kali hal yang tidak di ingini berlaku. Mula² aku disuruh menemani, lalu tanpa disedari, aku pula terbabit dalam hal peribadi kawan²ku itu. Yang paling aku tak minat, apabila lancongan² seperti ini diakhiri dengan babak menyepak dan menerjang. Fuh! Molek sungguh dipandang orang awam...
Ya lah...aku menjadi insan bukannya bertujuan untuk menjadi samseng ataupun kutu jalanan. Memang bukan itu maksud aku wujud di permukaan bumi ini. Namun, aku percaya, kita harus mampu gauli(part ni kalau korang senyum kira bullseye!) semua lapisan masyarakat dan saling bantu membantu. Dalam kitab pun ader sebut!

Berbalik semula...sedang aku menikmati air-con yang cukup nyaman di dalam bas, dalam diam aku mengatur soalan yang ingin aku acukan kepada kawanku ini. Sekali-sekala aku menjeling ke arahnya, memerhatikan wajahnya yang saling tak tumpah macam kongkang sarawak. Pelik. Kelakuan pula tak saling ubah macam kera kena belacan. Gelisah semacam. Dah lah muka macam kongkang, tabiat macam kera pula. Hmmm..oklah tu..sekeluarga pun kan?? Kalaulah tak kerana suasana dalam bas itu sempit macam tin sadin, mahu agaknya dia terloncat-loncat dan terjerit-jerit menyuruh pemandu bas di hadapan menambah tahap kelajuan bas ekspres yang kita tumpangi itu. Ekspres Tengkorak! Aku yakin, nenek kura² pun anytime boleh gigit kelajuan bas ekspres ni lah.

"Lepas shopping kau nak gi maner pulak?", selar aku tanpa memandang ke arah kawanku. Tersentak dia sekejap.
"Err...kita bukannya nak gi shopping...aku...aku nak gi buat benda lah." jawabnya tersengih-sengih.
"Buat benda apa pulak? Ngko jangan nak ajak aku buat benda merepek-repek..." sebelum aku habis berkata, kawan aku mencelah,
"Taklah. Aku taulah yang kau dah rilek nyer geng. Aku cuma nak kau temankan aku gi buat tattoo jer."

Mak oi! Selambanya bukan main. Macam ajak aku temankan dia pergi beli aiskrim pulak!
"Engkau ni buat kelakar ke buat kurang ajar!?" aku terus tinggikan suara.
"Kalau kurang ajar...meh aku cukupkan mana² bab mak bapak ko tak sempat nak ajar!"
Kawan aku hanya mampu sengih. Huh! Buruk! Sebiji macam kerang busuk!

Aku sebenarnya sedar akan perihal ini agak rumit sikit jika hendak diperbualkan secara terbuka. Maklumlah...orang Melayu...! Namun, aku juga berpendapat sebagai seorang Malay, tak harus juga aku membiarkan subjek bertebu ni dibiarkan sahaja. Kita sebenarnya, banyak kena tipu dengan simpulan² kata dan peribahasa yang tak berfaedah...seperti "Harapkan pagar, pagar makn padi!"
Seumur idop aku belum lagi aku dengar berita pagar makan padi! Kalau betul ada fenomena macam ni, mestilah pagar tu dah lama dok dalam muzium paranormal kat Shah Alam tu.

Tapi tak mengapa. Ni kira part 1 jer. Nanti aku sambung isi blog ni pada masa akan datang. Buat tokoh² Bahasa...janganlah tersinggung membaca ikatan kekata yang kasar dan kurang molek ini. Aku bersengaja demi menepati tema dan citarasa...!

2006-11-30T06:18:00.000+08:00

Went through the last entry and I felt whatever I wrote was broken. The structure I mean...well, I'm still doodling with codes...! For this drop cap we forced the first big letter to span more than five lines. The font-size is adjusted to exactly 100 pixels while the line height is 80 pixels. And I'm dreading to deal with what's in store for me. Have a bad feeling that some things will not turn out the way I rather have it. But I've seen it before. It just keeps replaying again and again in my head...whatever!

2006-11-30T05:35:00.000+08:00

I have been hunting some music that I've heard at places. I've done an overhaul to the blogskin with some modifications. As I'm not trained in using html codes, it was such a headache trying to get things to work the way I want it. And while at it, I tried out CoffeeCup HTML Editor. Not bad compared to Frontpage.
Anyway, I've been uploading some cool songs. You can check it out on the right side of the blogpage. You can use the controls on the mp3 player to select songs, you can see the playlist just below the player.

I wanted to feature 3 songs from 3 different artists. The first is a band called Blue Merle with its song Stay. When I first heard this song, I somehow connected to the sounds of Coldplay, but I realized it was more than just an easy and soothing music to listen to as the song progresses. Blue Merle is on acoustic base, using instruments like violins and even the mandolin. To quote, "Blue Merle is a band that doesn't simply defy expectations, it renders them irrelevant." This song simply transports you.

The next song is Devil Got My Woman. It was written and sung by Skip James. He was virtually unknown to listeners until about 1960. In 1964 blues enthusiasts John Fahey, Bill Barth and Henry Vestine found him in a Tunica, Mississippi hospital. According to Calt, the "rediscovery" of both Skip James and of Son House at virtually the same moment was the start of the "blues revival" in America. In July 1964 James, along with other rediscovered performers, appeared at the Newport Folk Festival. Throughout the remainder of the decade, he recorded for the Takoma, Melodeon, and Vanguard labels and played various engagements until his death in 1969. -got it out of Wikipedia.
I first heard this song in a bar that hosts bikers. I remembered it was a lazy and warm afternoon when the jukebox played this song. To most uninitiated listeners, this song might sound a bit weird and far from Blues as you'd know it. There's a few reasons why. Songs like this one was also known as the Indian Blues and very little is known about it. The other reason is might because Skip wrote his songs on a different key (DADFAD). For those who still can't understand it...let's say it's an acquired taste.

The last song I want to mention here is Obokuri Eeumi. Yes, it's a Japanese song. It's a lullaby of sorts. Sang by Ikue Asazaki; her voice has a calming effect on me.
Ikue Asazaki is an elderly lady from Amami island whose voice is full of character, slightly hoarse and sometimes with falsetto. She sings Okinawan and Amami traditional minyo, plus old Japanese songs and lullabies.

And for those who might be wondering, the rest of the songs in the playlist are by the Dissociatives; and Thievery Corporation.

2006-11-29T04:20:00.000+08:00

Brotherhood vs Fellowship

A recent conversation with a fellow bro of mine jaunted me back to a fateful night many years ago when I became a pledge of a certain brotherhood. The memory vivid, the words spoken that night still fresh in my mind. Many believed in the Brotherhood and still does.
I for one, would like to think I still do. However, I couldn't help but feel that the Brotherhood had turned into a Fellowship instead. And fellowships are easily broken. Through trials and tribulations over the years, my faith thinned steadily. Yet, the essence of what was and of its ideals remained my guard and I have found my resolve within.
Can't resist putting up these pics. It's so ironic.

2006-11-28T01:58:00.000+08:00

In the words of Serj Tankian...

Life is a waterfall, we're one in the river, and one again after the fall.
Swimming through the void we hear the Word, we lost ourselves but we find it all?
Cause we are the ones that want to play, always want to go but you never want to stay.
And we are the ones that want to choose, always want to play but you never want to lose.
Aerials in the sky. When you lose small mind, you free your life.

2006-11-27T03:07:00.000+08:00

Losing My Religion

This life has brought me to places I've never been and unknown to many but a few.

It made me travel far and wide and yet distance seemed too near for many.

I realized though, the real picture is far more bigger than me or anyone could ever imagine.

My short travels stains my eyes while the languages I heard spoken never stopped ringing in my ears.

Funny the rain is never same when weathers change.

I could swear if you looked carefully, you can find me in the corner under the spotlight.

At every turn, you'll see me if you strain your eyes enough.

And sometimes I do speak.

Too fast sometimes...but really,

I'm just trying to keep up with you though I'm not sure I can do it.

And sometimes it seemed I spoke too much because you'd laugh or even cry out loud

but I know you try sometimes.

My voice comes out in a whisper most of the time when I talk as if I'm choosing my confessions because everybody frown too much when I say it out loud.

I'm losing my religion. Like a hurt lost preaching to blinded fools,

I lose my religion everytime we congregate. I lose my religion whenever we're in denial.

Now I've said too much of my beliefs,

this new dream that I've embraced is noth the infidel's caress; I am condemned.

2006-11-26T11:30:00.000+08:00

It hasn't been a good time for me lately. To tell the truth, it has been a sucky year so far. I've been having problems in all areas of my life that I almost didn't know which I should start rectifying first. But that's life right? Everyone has problems. Yeah sure.
If there was one thing that I taught real well in my upbringing, it's that your problems are your own. Deal with it. So deeply this lesson was embedded in me that I suspect it took form of its own. I have no problems identifying others who needs help even though they never asked for it in the first place. I'd subtlely point out that I could help if they'd wanted it. However, when the same is directed at me, I go...stoic...a friend once described this behaviour mode of mine. As a result, I become a calculating problem fixing machine whenever left to my own devices. In company, I'm that guy they know, albeit my so-called broody self.
The immediate future holds uncertainties for me. My present are on the streets. If my friends only knew what that meant! LOL. But I refuse pity. Contrary to what I may have said about myself, I am not above asking for help. These help comes from only those I trust deeply, whose connotations and character are beyond contestation in my book.
Recently, amidst my inner wallowing, I stumbled upon a shocking find on one of my oldest friend. No one within locus of my brotherhood knew, yet I came upon it via a third party. Of all the dumbest thing he could've done...I spoke to him last night and he was remorseful. The strain in his voice caught him offguard at my knowledge of the incident, to which I told him, in this matter, things have an uncanny way of dropping into place for me. With 2 numbers already punished, he should've known better.
In regards to the above matter, it disturbed me into sleepless rendezvous, trying to figure how to fix it. And now that I've spoken to him, my focus shifts to the uncertain future. Told my mom to sell the residence and it'll probably go through in a few months or so. While living arrangements had been sorted for the family, I reclused deciding where my place should be. Frankly, it's not exciting. And I have a sweet revenge on a person that I've been thinking about alot lately. Hey you...I will fulfill.

2006-11-25T18:32:00.000+08:00

"Hero"
Perhaps there will be times when everyone needs a little saving.No matter what the circumstances, deep inside we longed for that someone who'll take our hand and lift us from the darkness that's enveloping.
It's noble for one to be a hero. But I guess that it's sad too. Superman, Spiderman and Batman have more than one thing in common. It's something that heroes need saving from themselves, and that is Loneliness.These guys are the biggest losers in the Love Department. Well yeah, once in awhile, along the way they find someone albeit shortly. What's interesting though, the one reason that they're unable to commit in an open relationship or be totally honest (whatever that is) is that they are unable to truly give themselves to the other. There's this inner secret that people do not comprehend. See, people are really a bunch of odd creatures. They demand transparency when they are not transparent themselves. Individually, they acknowledge that some things are sacred to them - things that they bring to their graves, but when it comes to their partner, this...thing cease to exist. They yell, scream, scratch, hit tooth & nail screaming bloody murder that their partners weren't honest/truthful.
And when the heroes do tell the truths...what happens?
Do their lovers have the strength to see past through it and appreciate the honesty? I mean this was about honesty in the first place wasn't it? Do their lovers can not turn their backs on these heroes and stay strong by their side?
I read somewhere that some things in life are best left unanswered. Wise. But if you do need the answers, I suggest this:
Be responsible.It's your choice and respect him/her who gave you that answer because you asked.

2006-11-24T02:41:00.000+08:00

"Severed"
And we hide behind,
Lies, anger, Hate they shoo love away,
Build shells of ourselves outside,
It shelters body from cold reigns of reality,
Come on, Step out, of your rind, assemble strength, focus,
Release and run to me you can never look back to the visions from the past they fade and wilt in time,
You've got to just trust me to hold your hand through,
Then I turn and walk away,
Eclipse you (Cut you away),
And bleed you strip you of your states of ain soph aur,
Eclipse you (Cut you away),
I spit up on my plate and I push everything away,
From me
And we sever all ties,
It creates disruption midst circle of friends,
I become the sacrifice,
Spare your life and leave me to my misery,
Get off the cross, and save yourself, run away
Run now get away from me if I can get my grip
I'll pull you down into the hell I call my head you'll never get away
I sit down in my ugly place and build walls out of fragments from mypast
of all the people that I needed and loved that walked away,
You've got to just trust me to hold your hand through then I'll turnand walk away
I walk under the clouds of gray,
Sphere of storms in my head,
I'm trapped again in endless rain
I divorce the thoughts of you I love with me,
I divorce your innocence and my guilt,
I divorce the lying sellout confidence,
I'm divorcing every mother fuckin' thing
I divorce the love bled meaningless,
I divorce the makeshift harmony,
I divorce the taunting acts of violence,
I divorce the pastime of jealousy,
I divorce control,
I divorce the faith,
I divorce the virtue,
I divorce the rain,
I divorce the excuse,
I divorce the greed,
I divorce the need,
I divorce iniquity in this mother fuckin' bullshit life,
Just want it all to go away,
Just want to run away to die, take it, myself, my lifeText book fucking mental,
off me and pitch me in a hole
I'll always be your shadow,
And veil your eyes from states of ain soph aur,
I can't be the hero anymore,
I spit up on my plate and then I turn and walk away,
I spit up on my plate and I disrupt the family,
I spit up on my plate and I sever the entity,
And I feel your warm sun on my face
Separate.
Eclipse you and bleed you strip you of your states of ain sophaur,
I need you,It's always been this way, I push it all away, From me...

2006-11-19T10:22:00.000+08:00

Beautiful as they are, I am not very fond of parrots. They're at best watched from a distance or in pictures like the one above.

For some reason, parrots actually freaks me out. I mean look at THAT face!!! Apart from its colourful feathers parrots have an absolutely grotesque face. I react the same way Ace Ventura did whenever he sees the albino bat.

When I was a kid I was constantly terrorized by a cockatoo that belongs to a neighbour at my grandparents. It was bad enough that my grandma don't approve of me running around the house (I was tied with a rope once..) because I was hyperactive. I couldn't go outside because that menacing cockatoo; it always seemed to me, bears a grudge on little children, and rears its ugly head and flapped it wings whenever I appeared at the front door!

Worse, it will say "Nak pergi mana tu??" -translated- "Where do you think you're going?" and then it will let out a loud squawk. The total weirdness and fear akin to kids fearing "IT" of Stephen King.

I mean some parrots are really large birds and that one was huge. I wonder if its still alive...I could plan revenge...? They have long life spans you know...documented up to 80 years. Many people make the mistake of keeping them as pets only to realize that caring for parrots are a very long term commitment.

All that aside, parrots are one of earth's beautifull and amazing creatures ('cept for d face of course!). They have long life spans and they pair up for life. Perhaps one of the most popular traits of these species are its ability to mimick speech. However, contrary to popular belief, this ability is not confined to parrots exclusively. Other species of birds were found to have this ability as well, like crows, for example.

There is one results of a study by Irene Pepperberg that suggests a high learning ability in an African Grey Parrot named Alex. It was trained to use words to identify objects, describe them, count them, and even answer complex questions such as "How many red squares?" with over 80% accuracy. Other scholars claim that parrots are only repeating words with no idea of their meanings and point to Pepperberg's results as being nothing but an expression of classical conditioning, or possibly a manifestation of the Clever Hans effect.

Parrots are many things; it symbolizes as well as make great pets. They can be trained to do parlour tricks and even predict one's fortune. Recently, I discovered that it could be a label to insult among other things. And when that happens, think of the good side of a parrot and gracefully admit it as a compliment. But, yeah...it's hard to do whenever you think of that Old Maid card and that face!

2006-11-18T05:23:00.000+08:00

Your problem is: You get what you want and do
what you will.
Worlds are built out of suffering. There is
suffering at the birth of a child as at birth of a star.
You live in terror of not being
misunderstood.
Women defend themselves by attacking, just as
they attack by sudden and strange surrenders.

2006-11-12T21:13:00.000+08:00

I'm quite unsure how it actually started. Though it was brought up by a single message, it soon whirled into something else. I was overcame by nervousness nowadays. It had been so long that I had to go through this torture. I am afraid. Scared to death even, of what the future means to me now.
As usual, my common sense prevailed. I shall be patient (nevermind the long periods of staring into the empty screen hoping...). I'll follow my feet (nevermind that I can't stop tappin my toes that ppl around me stared), and see where it'll lead me knowing a certain death awaits in mistakings. Truly, it is like "...swords amongst his pinions.."

2006-11-10T03:36:00.000+08:00

Prologue

It has always been 3 things to me that held prior, amongst others. The first is God, second Family and a third, Friends.
The First is my canvas; an elegant widespread of white fabric that holds my picture of existence. The Second is my paint; colours of divine beauty that spells my existence.
The Third is that water, which blends my picture into a masterpiece called Life.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

With my colours gone grey and water spilt to the ground,
I have no picture, no beauty. And water runs to quench thirst...only.
My canvas still white and wide wanting.
I am a mess of fallen colors and unwashed waters...

2006-11-09T20:07:00.000+08:00

But more than that we prayed for ourselves,
treading the rosary of our blessings,
for what is pity without thanks for
the opportunity for such pity?

-Alfian Saat

2006-11-08T23:54:00.000+08:00

I shudder at my own thoughts clashing when I heard of distant shrieks that only I could hear. Strange to others even more the stranger ones who knew of such strangeness.
And everytime, the coldness threatens to engulf me. To want to make me feel and be acquainted to this useless emotion, fear.
I stare blankly at her hanging in trees, her long white hair flying entangled in white robes of ancient tapestry; was she trying to scare me?
As quickly as the cold sensations felt, an unnatural warmness permeates my entire being, enveloping me in a vacuum of ether dimensions I am not privy to speak.
I see them though they may not see me in this senseless world of propriety. Ask myself of my ability if it means anything to me.

2006-11-05T21:55:00.000+08:00

Daily Fragments of meBLOG

"Challenging Stereotypes..."

Nature itself is against meand I...wonder of the sweetness of sweet victory if it ever came.. of what I am to be?!

I was trying to be creative with codes. Pffft!!! CRAP!!! Someone should help me with this stuff.

2006-11-04T04:40:00.000+08:00

The Constituition

Old Crest

New Crest

“It shall be a deliberate and conscious policy of the Government of Singapore at all times to recognize the special position of the Malays who are the indigenous people of the island and who are most in need of assistance and accordingly, it shall be the responsibility of the Government of Singapore to protect, support, foster and promote their political, educational, religious, economic, social and cultural interests, and the Malay language.”

It makes one think doesn’t it?
But really, how many of us do really know what the Constituition is about? We’ve heard it often enough. We say it often enough, but those are just words. Does the Constituition hold any particular meaning to any of us?

First of all, what exactly is the Constituition?
Well let’s see…! The word itself is derived from the Latin Contituere which means ‘to stand together’ and or ‘to establish’. I think.
The Constituition is used to refer all the basic rules or laws concerning the government and legislation or legal structure of a country. In other words, the Constituition is the supreme law of the country. It is a law superior to any other laws in a country as it makes up the basic legal foundation of any society.

So why do we need constituitions?
Whenever a society forms, laws become necessary. Laws are used to regulate the conditions and movement within the society; to achieve a degree of harmony and peaceful living. Thus, through the natural selection process of time, the strong and fit become leaders of the society. These includes Kings, Emperors, Sultans, etc.
Of course, we’ve read and learnt about cruel rulers who were corrupted and made the people suffer.These rulers had absolute power over the land and since they made laws, presumably, they were above it. This condition gives society a reason to place a fairer rule...a government, on a more democractic term.

However, government does not materialize in a vacuum. In big countries, the government is large and so does its powers. So vast these powers of…coercion that, people may fear living under tyranny. Under conditions like these is where we remember Lord Acton’s often-cited axiom: absolute power corrupts absolutely.

The idea of Constituitionalism can be traced from ancient Greece and into the American Revolution. There are 2 factors influencing this…idea. One was the natural law that acknowledges a law higher than man-made law. The other was the Christian doctrine of personality which emphasised an individual’s worth as an intrisic value in itself (Kevin Y.L. Tan).

Our Constituition spells out the basic structure of the State and establishes the various branches of the government which are the legislature, the executive and the judiciary. It also guarantees the fundamental rights or liberties of its people.

It took me 3 dictionaries and a lot of back reading to understand this…it does make one think doesn’t it…!?

2006-11-03T03:03:00.000+08:00

Mockingbird

Shoot all the bluejays you want, if you can hit 'em, but remember it's a sin to kill a mockingbird.
No matter how many times I read it, the story never got boring. Harper Lee made us see the world through the eyes of Scout and Jem of Maycomb County. For a brief novel, it sure did cover alot of serious social issues.
I studied the text in school but found out years later everytime I read this book, it gave me deeper meanings, broader views and new understanding.
I could relate heavily to Boo Radley's sentiment.
"...naw, Jem, I think there's just one kind of folks. Folks."
"That's what I thought, too, when I was your age. If there's just one kind of folks, why can't they get along with each other? If they're al alike, why do they go out of their way to despise each other? Scout, I think I'm beginning to understand something. I think I'm beginning to undestand why Boo Radley stayed shut up in the house all this time...it's because he wants to stay inside."

2006-11-01T01:50:00.000+08:00

830???!!!

A carpenter scored 830 points for this game of Scrabble. 830 points were more like a combined score when Ez Jazz & me were playing on good days! His bingo QUIXOTRY earned him like 365 points. If I were his opponent, I'd be devastated! heheh...(what the hell is QUIXOTRY anyway?)

Nice board...only I'd challenge the validity of 'ZA'. The word 'ZAS' I know exists but 'ZA'??

Which, reminds me of a fellow scrabbler who'd at one time, while playing this game, challenged the word 'GA' against his opponent. That word, of course, was found invalid, and out of utter desperation and frustration, his opponent kept for a few turns, made the same mistake of putting the word 'GA'.

After much retraction, his opponent resigned to making the word 'GAS' on the board. My fellow scrabbler, a seasoned player, irritated at the non-existent word 'GA', came to an outburst to the opponent telling him of that that word do not exist! Which at this point, the poor opponent looked at my friend blankly and replied, "What do you mean 'gas' do not exist?"

My...oh..my!!! How embarassing!!! Lol!!!

2006-10-18T23:43:00.000+08:00

I totally lost it today.

I had to babysit my niece and nephew and while at it, working on a paper. I swear, one 3 year old and one 1-and-half year old, is a pretty destructive combo that's enough to drive you crazy! But I'm usually pretty okay with them running around and climbing over me. Just the other day both of them got access into my briefcase and had a party with all the colored pens and markers that was in it. My documents were done for. I totally kicked myself for putting the briefcase where they had an easy reach. I couldn't bring myself to get mad after seeing their silly faces in rainbow colors!

So I was working and they came to me for their milk fix. I was frustrated cos I was like totally focused on my work. I gave them their milk bottles anyway and told them to be quiet for awhile which they did. 5 minutes later I checked up on them and they were just on the sofa overlooking the windows. Ok. So I told them not to drop anything out of the window and continued my work. When I looked up again I saw both of them dangling their half full milk bottles out of the window. I said cautiously, "Don't you dare.." and they totally grinned and let go of their bottles.

For some reason I lost it. I could barely contain my anger! I screamed at them to get away from the window and marched over and stared at both of them for a real long time. 20 minutes. They were surprised at my outburst and I guess when I marched over and didn't do anything but gave that cold stare, they didn't know how to react or what to expect. For 20 minutes they squirmed, sat on the floor and eventually dozed off. My niece actually put up a fight though. She stared back at me unblinking, challenging me...for like 30 seconds.

The other side of me reared its ugly head tonight. One of my close buddy told me that he hated me when I become like that. Tight up anger like a ball, cold, distant and unpredictable. He said that it's like I'm a totally different person like that. The second I remembered this I switched off and regretted.

I picked up them both and laid them on my bed. I totally lost it. I just wished I could go home real soon!

2006-10-14T22:22:00.000+08:00

There's this project I'm thinking about doing. In fact, it's a mega project. My friend who's partnering with me is a bit jittery about this. She doubts that we'd be able to get it done. I simply told her that I'm confident that it will work out just fine.
One thing that I'd learned about myself is that I'm capable of going through most things with alot of confidence. But that doesn't mean I'm perfect. What people don't know is that I reserve all potential breakdowns and freaking out in the aftermath.
For example, I know alot of people are susceptible to stage frights and a case of nerves when they need to go on in front of a crowd. They start to have butterflies in the stomachs and what not. For me, all those things happen when the job is done. It's a little trick I learned.
Anyway, if all goes well. This project'll kick alot of asses!

2006-10-08T20:46:00.000+08:00

This was me when I was 5 or 6yrs old. My bro scanned it and emailed it to me. It was a pleasant surprise and I laughed quite out loud looking at this old picture.
There was alot that went through my mind looking at it, as I'm sure everybody else does when they look at themselves from pictures this old. You can't help but wonder how you go from that to this (current) state in life.
The other kid in the backgroud is my cousin. I've not seen him in ages but I do keep tabs on him. I heard he was a sailor and now works at the docks. He was a funny kid though. Remembered one time we got his head stuck between railings and had to call the fire department to rescue him! Lol.
Anyway, memories...

2006-10-05T09:27:00.000+08:00

"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."

"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter." -Martin Luther King Jr

"We are not enemies but friends; we must not be enemies.

Though passion may have strength, let us not break the bonds of affection.

The mystic chords of memory will swell when again touched,

as surely they will be by the better angels of our nature." -Lincoln

2006-09-22T23:36:00.000+08:00

So...I happen to be sitting with a group of colleagues drinking coffee. I drank tea. One of them started talking about global politics. I continued to drink my tea and zoned out looking at people passing by.
When I came to, they were discussing about terrorists attacks and proceeded to talk about why suicide bombers allegedly provoked Israel into a vicious counter strike. My tea was losing its taste. Then they turned to me and asked, "Why are they (terrorists) doing this?"

me: "Excuse me?"
they: "Why are the Muslims against Israel? Could it be because they are Jews?"
me: "You're insinuating a racist element here."
they: "It's not? You're the resident Muslim, give an insight to this then."
me: "Funny how one should say that. Interchanging 'terrorists' with 'muslims' and you mentioned Jews after Israel?"
they: "We just couldn't understand why the Palestinians refused to acknowledge Israel.."
me: "Then read about it. The history of the Zionist movement back when there was no Israel. There was only Palestine until an agreement was made with then King Faisal to tolerate a Jewish state in Palestine. And now the Palestinians are being driven out of their land. Go figure!"
they:"....."
me: "Y'all do me a favor. Do your homework before you throw questions like these at me. It's very insulting, to say the least!"

I was pissed off. Not because of the questions but rather because I'm a Malay guy. Because it was preconceived that I may not be able to comprehend the situation that they put me in. I was expected of them to react in a certain way that'll attribute to the stereotype. Well, fuck them.

2006-09-22T02:22:00.000+08:00

Hi!

It took me a while to actually have the guts to write this to u. I've read all of ur blogs and there's one particular blog that I came across that struck me hard. I dun noe if u wrote it implying to someone else but it does sound familiar 2 me.

The night safari, the drama and every bits of content in it. I guess it was meant 4 me, then I have this to say. I never left u to begin wif. You said that when u decided to move forward, I retreated. I wanted so hard to work things out between us. I was frustrated when u never took the time to visit me here in JB. U were different & in some ways, u were very mysterious. There even comes a time when I grew impatient of waiting & waiting in vain that is. Now it's too late & the decision that I've made have sealed my fate. I am anything but happy now. I kept thinking of what I cud have done different if only I cud turn back time but that was never meant to happen, not even on my death bed. I am tired of things that I had gone thru & even to this day, I still wept for you in silence.

You had me once before and I've loved u then but now, I have to let it go. I never actually told u this but I'm sure it doesn't matter anymore. It hurts Red, to be standing here married to someone but the true fact is that, my heart belonged to someone else!

Yours faithfully,

I was clearing my email and deleting junks when I came across the email above. I wanted to delete it but finding it really hard to do it. Why? I mean why did I keep this email in Gmail at all?
A reminder. I kept it because I wanted to remind myself, I guess. People close to me are likely to tell me to get over it. And I had. It was quite awhile ago and at my worst I can be a stone-cold hearted bastard. What got me were her last sentence in the email.
It's never cool to know or find out that you could have caused so much hurt and pain to someone out there. Even if it isn't your fault in the first place. And this can never come undone now.
Anyway, the blog that I wrote wasn't intentionally exclusively about the author of the above email. I wrote it in mind of 3 different people but it was designed to her fashion.
And I'll remind myself again and again.

2006-09-13T03:35:00.000+08:00

I walk in lands asunder, to journey a destination
Of crumbled leaves over water.
Chirping of birds in tempo of my incoherence
Where the wind blows my feet does follow.

Cracked earth of beauty, despair
Stenched winds, a commodity of life's affair
Bitter taste in my mouth from which I breathe the air
Choked in the polarity, this knowledge I bear.

Come hither, sing me a song
My journey doth take me long
In time, I shall wither
Like a crumbled leaf over water.

2006-09-09T03:31:00.000+08:00

IMF

I started with alot in my mind to blog about this. Now...I'd say fuck it. I mean..Who are we kidding??!

I'd say let them keep doing what they're doing and soon you'll see that history shall repeat itself again. You'd think that being the Powers that be, they'll be smart enough.

Well let me say this, the price of arrogance will be the loss of all credibility. Soon...!

2006-09-06T04:28:00.000+08:00

The Croc Hunter

Steve Irwin was a champion to Australia's wildlife conservation. Back when I had access to some eco channels, I used to watch his shows and be awed by his stunts handling usually dangerous and poisonous reptiles. He never fails to mention to the audience to respect these beautiful creatures thus eradicating alot of misconception over these animals.
Steve Irwin 44, recently died when he was filming underwater near the reefs in Australia. He was stung by a stingray through the heart and died although friends and crew who were at the scene tried to revive him.
It is a true loss that Steve Irwin had gone in such a tragic way for his contributions to wildlife conservation is nothing short of a legend.
So this is a tribute to the man who wrestled crocodiles for its own survival.

2006-09-03T03:51:00.000+08:00

Spirits, Sprites & Spooks

The theory that presumes Malay magicians or those who have acquired such esoteric knowledge of this mystical world, is that the universe is activated by some cosmic force that permeates all creation. Acquisition of this knowledge would allow the magician the ability to control and manipulate his universe, both animate and inanimate in such a way to produce results which would otherwise thought impossible.

This cosmic force begets many manifestations. Such ethereal entities are known, among others, as gods, ghosts, demons & djinns. These entities can be considered either good or evil, depending on its purpose being invoked for.

The Penanggalan is a spook that floats about in the air with its innards attached.

This is supposedly to be a Toyol, immobolized by a bomoh. A Toyol carries a master's bidding, usually to steal others' valuables.

Top picture: The Langsuir, Bottom: Langsuir after being subdued by a bomoh.

2006-08-31T17:31:00.000+08:00

Black Magic

Perhaps it seems strange to some but the art of Black Magic itself exists in several incarnations though we'll be focusing much on Malay Black Magic. This however, do not mean that Malays are more prone to have beliefs of such aspects of the supernatural. Invoking of spirits, wax-dolls & charms are practices that occur in many societies world wide. And this includes the supposedly far advanced western world. Documented literature that suggests such practice goes way back during Shakespearen times (Macbeth 4:1).

Mat Kilau's Invulnerability charm.

Employing wax dolls upon a victim is somewhat the most common of all malicious black magic technique. It is interesting to note that this same technique is being used by practitioners of this art world wide, which beckons the questioning as to how this came about. Did some witch travel across the globe to spread her evil teachings like some mercenary? Or did the devil himself spread this phenomena? Within this context, it would seem logical as this particular technique had been in existence eversince babylonian times. It would be interesting to discuss the origins but it would be very taxing and deviating from the subject matter at hand.

The most common wax doll charms used by the bomohs requires him to employ representative parts of the victim's body such as hair, nails, etc. These items are then mixed with melted candle wax which are then fashioned into a male or female doll. This is then slowly scorched in a flame for a period of seven nights while reciting some mantra which is a formula for this technique. On the 7th night, the remaining wax doll is thrown into the fire. It is thought to be as the wax melts away, so does the life force of the victim.

Another variation of this technique intending to produce similar results but more effectively, is by introducing the use of a charm. The charm seen here is known as the Barisan Laksmana. It was originally a Hindu talisman thought to be drawn by Rama's half brother, Laksmana, to protect Rama's wife Sita from Rawana, a demon king. For this charm to be effective, it must be drawn in a single operation without lifting the writing apparatus from the surface of where the charm is drawn, while holding a single breath and the tongue pressed against the roof of the mouth. When it is done, this charm is placed within the wax doll and smokes it in fumes of benzoin incense or kemenyan while reciting the following incantations:

Bismillahi rahmaanir rahiim (In the Name of God the Merciful, the Compassionate)

Assalaaamu alaikum (Peace be upon you)

Hei Jinn putih, Nur Muhammad (Hei white Genie, Radiance of Muhammad)

Raja sekelian jin dalam diri aku (King of all spirits within me)

Hei jinn hitam, bayang²an aku (Hei black genie, shadow of myself)

Pergilah engkau binasakan seteru (Away with tou and destroy my enemy)

Jika engkau tidak pergi binasakan seteruku (If you don't go and destroy my enemy)

Durhakalah engkau kepada Allah (You will be a traitor toward Allah)

Dengan berkat doa (By the virtue of the prayer-charm)

La ilaaha illallah (There is no other God except Allah)

Muhammadur rasullullah (And Muhammad is the messenger of God)

2006-08-24T23:47:00.000+08:00

Invulnerability

Man has, ever as long as it can be remembered, yearned for the secrets and key to immortality. There are many reasons for this. Reasons which does not need further illustration if one is closely acquainted to the nature of man himself. There are countless stories depicting discoveries over Fountains of youth and also other key factors that might make man an immortal such as attaining invulnerability.

In the olden days, mysticism attributed to attaining invulnerability was not so uncommon though it was an almost general practice, but unnecessarily exclusively confined to, for warriors. It is not difficult to understand the logic behind a warrior’s need for this attainment: a facet to make one invulnerable to the weapons of the enemy. Therefore, this aspect of mystic art became an essential part of the training for neophytes aspiring to become great warriors.
However, this desire was not so easily achieved. Subjects undergo lengthy and arduous period to prepare themselves for this journey of attainment. They are required to fast and meditate as well as performing esoteric rituals and incantations.

There are many Malay warriors that boasts this uncanny ability through myths and legends but none are as popular and famed as the legendary Laksmana Hang Tuah, an admiral of the Malaccan Sultanate in the 16th century, whose daring and colourful exploits were mentioned even in China.
There is a record of his account (Hikayat Hang Tuah by R.O. Winstedt, p. 118) while returning to the port of Malacca after a visit to Southern India, his ship was surrounded and attacked by four heavily armed Portuguese caravals. It was written that enemy’s guns couldn’t fire after he read out some incantations.
A few years later, again his ship was attacked, this time just off the coast of the Malay state of Patani. Javanese raiders attempted to board his ship and with a display of occult power, he caused the guns of these pirates to just emit smoke and their swords to fall harmlessly at their sides (Ibid pg 119).

Malay magicks that ciphers invulnerability exists in numbers that allows classification. The native Malay term for invulnerability is kebal.(The list can be found in Malaysian Magic. W. Shaw. Pg 14)

Kebal Minyak
In which oil rubbed onto the body during initiation is thought to impart some magical quality to the skin which causes weapons to slide off of it, leaving the invulnerable man unharmed.
Kebal Pakan
Invulnerability attained by means of charms, drugs or the ritual repetition of magic formulae, which cause an enemy’s weapon either to break on striking the protected body, or to be deflected so that it misses altogether.
Kebal Kulit Nangka aka Kebal Katak Puru
Invulnerable because the skin is impenetrable to weapons.
Kebal Daging
Here, it is the flesh that is impenetrable, though the skin may be cut or injured with consequent superficial bleeding.
Kebal Penimbul
From timbul (rising to the surface), with the sense that something magical rises to the under surface of the skin to intercept a weapon or missile and prevent its further penetration. Usually used in the form of Kebal Penimbul Raksa (raksa- mercury or quicksilver) when the quicksilver that has been rubbed into the body during initiation (aka susuk) appears wherever iron, steel or lead has penetrated and thereon bars its further progress.
Kebal Sampul
From sampul, a caul, a membrane that sometimes envelopes a baby’s head at birth. A child born with a complete caul is considered by many to be invulnerable.

2006-08-24T00:48:00.000+08:00

Aspects of Supernaturals & Malay Magic

I was chatting with a friend of mine the other day when she brought up a fairly interesting topic. It quickly became the subject of our discussion for the rest of the night. While I am fairly knowledgeable in the area of this particular subject, I’ve never thought to ever blog about it. Partly because I perceive it as taboo to the general public, and also partly because a degree of fear of being ridiculed due to the extensive research I’ve made in the past in regards to this topic and thus, it has become important to me to just let other people desecrate the culture of what I had learned. However, after much thought, I decided to blog about it anyway. My friend’s right about this one. If anything at all, this ought to be an interesting read.

I suppose, I am somewhat lucky to be born in an era to be able to witness the transition where the lasts of the kampungs gave way to modern HDB flats and or the Malays minority eventually embraced the system of secular education. With such transition taking place, there could be only change. The liberation of a generation that challenged customs; breaking culture limits and even birthing of a new one.

Back in the 70s to the early 80s, where these changes are taking place, the native words Dukun and Bomoh, together with the foundation of its belief, were rapidly losing ground just like the thick vegetation of Singapore’s tropical rainforests. Along with it, an elite profession of sorts faded, and was almost reduced to a mere urban legend while it is interesting to find that these esoteric art practitioners once played an important part in the social and economic life of the native Malays. Yet in a way, it is good that these changes took place as beliefs in magicks and superstition would only conjure up an enemy against progress.

Future installments of blog entries will cover inter related topics to the Bomohs & Dukuns in the following order:

1. Invulnerability
2. Black Magic
3. Spirits, Sprites & Spooks

2006-08-21T00:51:00.000+08:00

Pontianak... well not really. Just retarded clips from the movie!

2006-08-20T23:07:00.000+08:00

I'm starting to freakout over something. It began last week when a friend emailed me about something which I'd thought was over and done with a long² time ago. And suddenly, I began to receive messages, signs and what-not, all leading to the same problem. Have you ever experienced that before? Something that hardly tread your conciousness kept on reappearing, haunting you wherever you go.

My past is haunting me...again!!! And I'm not far off from gettting all neurotic about this! Persistent Cockroach!!! ahh fuck it!

2006-08-18T03:32:00.000+08:00

Berita² Hari Semalaman

I read an article written by an editor of a local newspaper. When I'm done reading it, I have a hard time trying to convince myself that I do not opine due to a chauvinist streak nor because that I can often be a politically incorrect self-destructing bastard....but, Come On!!!

I don't believe she, an editor, wrote such a naive and shallow article! It's so conniving, out of the textbook and almost had propaganda streaked across it.
There's even a para or two on self appraisal, illustrating her academic prowess. A history lesson, even. Taking cue from that, I am so sure that an editor of her calibre couldn't have wrote such a lame-ass article.

When I travel, one of the must-do things is reading the local paper. It revives my mind of the cancer-stricken newspaper that my people have to endure. With too few pages, I am starting to wonder if we are only able to process that much information.

2006-08-11T22:49:00.000+08:00

"...I've been trying to find the truth and be pious to God. How come I could not attain this happiness for my heart that I've been praying for all these years? "

I received this text message from someone I know late last night. It pains me to know that a friend is trapped in a storm and the only thing he can do is try to survive and wait it out. Frankly, I'm not a very religious person but I do have my faith. I don't go around preaching my beliefs nor imposed them on others like some religious organizations does. But, yes, I have interests about the Truth.

My friend had earlier on poured out to me his inner thoughts over a predicament that he's in. And I couldn't do much except lend him my ears. I mean, who knows these things? Too many have died in violence in the name of Truth. But, what exactly is the Truth are we talking about?

I believe that everybody has their own version of what Truth is. Spatially, some of us may be on the same page but it doesn't necessarily mean we're on the same line. In the end, most of us will admit only what is acceptable to us. Does that make it...Truth? Or do we seek the ultimate?

How do we attain this happiness in our hearts? Before that, what is happiness?

You ask me questions and I answer with more questions. Why do I do that, you ask. And I answer, "I am no mirror." Why sought out when it is within you that you seek? Ultimately, it's within us to decide what is happiness and what is the Truth. Everything around us is just substance but whether we deem it to be tangible or not is up to us.

We're imperfections but yet trying to seek Perfection, and within this cosmic law of nature, that cannot be. As long as we confine ourselves in this avatar of Perfection we may not comprehend the key to bliss.

Perhaps you seek enlightenment. I have nothing to give but this imperfect advice:

Look & see. Hear & listen. Do not talk but to speak. Magnify your senses to Life around you and slowly, but surely, it'll come to you.

To my friend, a wise man used to say; when you're joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy, and when you're sorrowful, look again and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.

2006-08-04T00:58:00.000+08:00

VESPA!

I'm celebrating the joy of riding and owning a Vespa. And also because I know Rinaz is gonna absolutely love this one!!! Oh yeah! Scootering is no longer confined to Ah Peks, Uncles and Pakciks. It's kewl to ride one. So why dontcha??

2006-08-02T22:05:00.000+08:00

Prologue to Independence Day

Come on now, what's wrong with these pictures?

Nothing.

The answers are only important as to how it comes to you.

2006-07-29T01:46:00.000+08:00

I can't even imagine what to make of this.

2006-07-29T00:59:00.000+08:00

Arrogance of Youth

There is a time when everyone felt that they were invincible. A time when they felt that they could do just about anything and nothing can stop them.

Youth is a time when one felt such an awakening deep inside him. Full of life, with fire pumping into the veins. It is a time when He is neither a boy nor a man, and She, no more a girl than she is a woman.

Many consider Youth is a passage of time when a person journeys into adulthood...blah blah blah!

Seriously. No one really did think I'm gonna go all journalistic and actually write an artice about Youth?? I had enough documentaries running through my head everytime I had to write an article. But the thing is...this thought had been running through my mind for awhile. Things like:

Teenagers are kids
they are kids so why do people expect them to be a grown up
teenagers are getting yelled at by parents for acting like a child
teenagers are lectured for trying to be smart & act like a grown up
yet, if you want to be treated like an adult, act like one
TEENAGER
expected to make the right choices supervised via parents
watch porn, spot tattoos, smoke, drink, sex, fast cars, drugs, cuss & swear; illegally?
Teenager arrested for breaking the law and tried as an adult when he reaches 18
impregnated teenage girls by still-growing manhood
National Service
rebel without a cause???

I mean seriously!!!There are more from where that came from but I'm holding back lest I'll exhaust the whole web page...as though that's possible? I think adults blame kids for their own mistakes. It's convenient that way. And Teens, they are right ALL the time...really!

As I look through my old picture of my class, I wondered if I ever acted that way when I was a teenager. I may be wrong in alot of things but I'm also right in many ways. Otherwise, I wouldn't have thought to smile the way I did in the picture...

2006-07-12T23:51:00.000+08:00

Devil's Advocate

Who are you carrying all those bricks for? God? Is that it? God?
I'll tell you...let me give you a little inside information about God. God likes to watch. He's a prankster. Think about it. He gives man... instincts. He gives you this extraordinary gift, and then what does He do? I swear, for his own amusement...his own private, cosmic....gag reel...He sets the rules in opposition!
It's the goof of all time...
Look, but don't touch. Touch, but don't taste. Taste, but don't swallow. And while you're jumping from one foot to the next, what is He doing? He's laughing his sick, fucking ass off!
He's a tight ass! He's a sadist! He's an absentee landlord!Worship that? Never!
"Better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven," is that it?

Why not?
I'm here on the ground with my nose in it since the whole thing began! I've nurtured every sensation man has been inspired to have! I cared about what he wanted and I never judged him!Why? Because I never rejected him! In spite of all his imperfections! I'm a fan of man! I'm a humanist. Maybe, the last humanist...

2006-07-12T01:51:00.000+08:00

©2006RedwineArtGallery.com.

There is a thought that lingers at the back of my mind in which I will forever wonder, possible.
Pulsing aggravation of what calm vision, discreet in its bleeding of thoughts in a path of neurosis while darting myopia in shades of brown, nestled lubrication in its crown, overflowed.

Subconsciously clutching my center, overbearing this sense of loss in equilibrium.
My balanceoff, jaunted by phantoms of conscience. Yet, I deny nature of the satisfaction meant for those around me to leave me incarcerated. For I am the font of calmness and that is the expression of my physique, projected in empty glass of frosted windows of a supposed soul.
Not to embrace this winter a means to an end. I am borne free and boundless shall I be, almost. With one single thought that lingers, I am bounded still, I am human.

2006-07-07T22:15:00.000+08:00

NO SMOKING??

Will you look at this?? I mean who're we kidding here? I'd shoot myself the day they announce that only 10%...oops! sorry...20% of the country's total land area is open for smoking!!!

I was having conversation with a Japanese colleague and he went wide-eyed when I told him that Singapore's authorities implemented this rule recently. "Honto desu ka??!" he exclaimed. "Honto!" I replied. Then we had a good laugh. For a good measure, I had a colleague scan & email me the above letter.
I suppose there's alot of smokers out there griping about this move. I do too. But I guess what frustrates me is not really the ban. The issue appear more than just skin deep for me. It's about the principle!

D'uh!

2006-07-04T22:18:00.000+08:00

Tell Me Where It Hurts

Many women failed to understand the mechanics of the male emotion, which leads them to miscontrue this somehow complex male behaviour as being insensitive. This is one of the reasons why members of the opposite sex often end up in an arguments and fights. It will take a while before the female intuition kicks in, only to realize that he had behaved as such because he doesn't know how to express his feelings.
Nature had intended that the human male, at some degree, be detached from his emotions. This is, believe it or not, a survival trait encoded deep inside his DNA. This natural circuit breaker gives Man control over himself.
Contrary to popular belief, Men are actually, at times, more emotional than Women. These emotions comes in quantum packets of explosive signals to the brain, heightening the blood pressure, temperature and adrenaline levels of the human body causing them to simmer at dangerous levels until he explodes emotionally. However, a Man's ability to control himself during these situations has become a measurement of his strength.
Yet, over time, he would learn to have better control also means having to share these emotions. Dispersing the pent up energy slowly is a better way to release these emotions.

***yet another deviant blog from me...I guess I'm just avoiding from having to deal with some stuff right now. not being able to express in writing..?? *gasp*

2006-07-03T22:12:00.000+08:00

Story of a Fish

There's a story about a fish who lived in a pond with other koi fish somewhere in the mountaineous region of Japan. He was often jeered at by the other fish which refused to allow him to join their school. All the other fish thought he was crazy because of something he said when he was first introduced into the pond by the fish-owner, who was a successful businessman who travelled around the world often.

The new fish was very happy to see others of his kind in the pond that the very second he dived into the pond for the first time, he swam right toward the other fish and introduced himself. This act caused quite a stir in the pond because he had unwitingly frightened the rest of the fish in the pond. But, as time went by, they got curious about him and they soon gathered around to meet this strange new fish.

"Who are you and how did you get here?" asked one of the oldest fish.

The new fish, happy that he was finally going to be acknowledged replied happily to the old fish, "Oh, my name is Tsuru. I was born in a small pond in a place 2 continents away from here and travelled to outer space with my Master!"

"What?? Outer space??!" exclaimed all the fish around him in disbelief. Then thay all broke into laughter.

The old fish looked at the new fish and mockingly said, "O young one! you couldn't possibly travelled into outer space. Everyone knows that you'll die if you go into outer space where there's no water!"

"But I did!" said the new fish desperately. "I saw many things! I saw a box that has even more wonderous things in it. There are people, creatures and strange things that you can see by the wave of my Master's hand!"

"There is no such thing! You are a liar! And we don't welcome liars in our school!" shouted the old fish. With that, they all swam away, leaving the new fish alone.

The new fish lived in the pond for a long time, occasionally telling stories of his tavels into outer space to younger fish who dared to swim near him until a time when he passed on, taking with him the knowledge of Outer Space.

2006-07-03T00:59:00.000+08:00

I've mentioned before that from time to time I'd like to republish my past works. I choose to republish this one simply to remind myself. And my words reflect my thoughts.
My mind is in a dark place right now and I fear the malicious palate of my mind may recede only to bare the fangs of constituted animosity should words are imprinted freshly on this page. For now...a reminder is enough, perhaps, to jaunt me...us into a happier tomorrow.

Blind census by aredz

Fear is the element that will consume
Right off your bed & straight into your tomb
Fear is that something you don't comprehend
Or fail to? Or refuse?
That when you did, you made no amends

O ye who believes; It will consume.

Blind is what you choose
Over millions of visions of truth
Blind are the visionary
Whose fear shaped children's life-wrenching noose

O ye who believes; It will be their tomb

Pride you fear to lose as vanity prevails
Bring your hand down to clamp mouths of those who wailed
Deafening the silence that grows louder each day
Deaf to deaths as your parable, you give away

O ye who believes; the deafening silence of those slain

Do you not know what you had done?
Do you not see the tears scarred face in the light of the blinding sun?
Do you not hear the heart wrenching cries of fathers in the arms of their dying sons?
The blood that weeps in the womb of their daughters?
The tears that bleeds for a fallen mother?

O ye who believes; Let us pray...

2006-06-30T02:35:00.000+08:00

Superman Returns!

One thing for sure...you can never beat comic characters on how cool they look wearing their costumes! Comment..? I'll just say this: this movie have some kick-ass special effects! Storyline: same ole same ole...
It is so much cooler than X3. Bryan Singer rocks at doing this comic to movie thing. He should've done X3...!

2006-06-26T23:04:00.000+08:00

Freak Out?

Finally was able to have some free time to do this....check it out!

And since I don't want to hog this page wif tubes..if u want more of this...click on!!!
FreakyLady

FreakyLady2

See the final installment at myTube

2006-06-24T02:36:00.000+08:00

Apparently, someone wants me to do this...*sigh*

3 schools I went to
Ghim Moh Pri, Merlimau Pri, Yuhua Sec Sch

3 things in my bag
iPod, gun & Wallet

3 things I do when I'm stressed
Smoking, meet my fingers together, crack a joke

3 places I go on a daily basis
Bathroom, the highway spot, lala land

3 favourite fruits
Apple, Mangosteen, Cocoa..?

3 names I go by
Red, Wan, Aredz

3 of my favourite food
Ban Mian, Mee Rebus, Mee Siam

3 things I'm wearing right now
Renoma Boxer Briefs, Armani Shades, Neck tie (don't ask)

Who is in the house with me
My bros, Mom, Nephew, Niece

Whom I am thinking of right now
my ex...No! seriously....my..bro..s??

Who did I sit with during the 5th period in class
depends...usually alone at the back near the rear door. Otherwise it's Kiko & Ed.

Who was the last person I uttered "Love" to
to this guy...haha!

Who do I wish I am with right now
wif my bro...uh..and..Bruneian Sultanate...?

Who usually gets on my nerve most in school
this lame-ass dude who was the history teach that ended up marryin a fren's sister...baka..!

Where is my phone
one in the kitchen and the other in my bag. There's a red one in the middle of the room with a bat-like logo on it. It glows when it rings...but I never pick up the calls on that one!

Where do I sleep
on the floor...seriously for the last 15 years.

Where is the last place I took a ride to
the office or her..?

What was the last thing I ate
miso ramen

What color shirt am I wearing
Navy

What is my favourite color
Green, Black, Brown, Indigo & sometimes Red

What do I like most about school
You're a kid

What do I wear most often...jeans or shorts
Cargo

What was the last movie I watched
The Scary one...no 4

When did I start school
Is this a trick question..?

I left the last one out cos I hate chaining things out. Chain mails & such will meet their end with me. Nevermind the cosmic threats I'll face if I don't pass em around...yeah rite!

2006-06-23T14:55:00.000+08:00

Kyoto

2006-06-20T10:52:00.000+08:00

Looking Back

Alot has happened since last year. Nothing major but a few surprises. An ex girlfriend emailed me in response to one of my blog entries. I had two subjects in mind when I wrote that particular blog but yes, one was dedicated to her. I was struck by her response.."do you know what it feels like to be married to someone when you heart belongs to another?"
Well, we all have a choice in life no matter what the circumstance. We travel down the path of our choice and we do not go back even if the journey gets bad. We do not blame others and everyone around us because it is what we choose. This is my code...this is my way of the Jedi Ninja!!!

What else...? Oh..a fren made the headlines for all the wrong reasons.

A scandalous affair...?

And...it wasn't a good year for the Job calendar. I had 3 bosses in just one year!!!

One good thing that happened...I rediscovered magic in music. Though I've not told anyone yet, I've wrote a couple of songs. And I am thinking about music again ...seriously.

Well that's it. Nothing else....or rather nothing else that I can remember of right now...hehe. We'll see if I make it through 2007...!

2006-06-19T22:23:00.000+08:00

Happy Birthday!

I thought deeply if I had a wish...hmmm..Hell would freeze all over before that happens! Thank you to those who reminded me. And to Cockadoodle...thx.

To those wondering...I have not seen it yet. To the one person who knows...it'll happen.

2006-06-07T00:17:00.000+08:00

The Omen

1976

2006

2006-06-02T22:40:00.000+08:00

De Dah Benci Kot...

A friend told me to read the novel before watching the movie. Actually, aLOT of my friends -the bookworm types told me to read it. I was too fucking lazy to do so...I'm still reading The Historian which I started like...2 months ago! After watching the movie...I thought inwardly that perhaps I should've read the book.

I did not mean that by reading the book I'd grasp a clearer concept of what the whole fuss is about. Now I don't see why it was such a fuss in the first place. I think the movie sux Big Time! If you ask me, I'd say it's like a really bad rip off from The Amazing Race. Don't get me wrong. I am a big fan of History & Religion. Vastly interested in Cryptology & Theology. But this...! In the theory's defence, I'd say the movie did no justice to those who have already spent years researching and studying these.

The movie lacked a few fundamental elements that could otherwise pull it off. Instead, it has this element of unrealisticism. Sir Ian McKellen did a fine job delivering the character's hypothesis on the holy grail, only to be let down by Tom Hank's character. Even at the point of revelation. It has so many flaws that I almost cried. Haha..But then again...hey, it's just my opinion!

2006-05-28T20:56:00.000+08:00

Rock Jiwang Gilerrr!!

I just had to share it wif u guys! Hahahaha!

You can see more at YouTube...I've uploaded some pretty cool vidz. Just search under my nick robingdfellow.

2006-05-28T17:38:00.000+08:00

Thou shalt not judge others before ye! lest Others let it be known
unto you;
And they will conspire over what they do not know without the use
of what was given to them;
When the truth shines, they will try and cover
their nakedness and shame
but thy will know better for they only seek their
own weakness in the vessel of Others....

2006-05-28T16:53:00.000+08:00

Of Time, People & Places...

Imbedded in memory....hot lunch in the making.

Lil Orange...

Ever felt like ur talking to a ghost? Headless stranger...One Classy act...

2006-05-25T12:48:00.000+08:00

Sever

And we hide behind,
Lies, anger, hate they shoo love away,
Build shells of ourselves outside,
It shelters body from cold reigns of reality.
Come on, step out of your rind. Assemble strength, focus.

Release and run to me you can never look back to the visions from the past,
They fade and will in time,
You've got to just trust me to hold your hand through, then I turn and walk away.

Eclipse you,
And bled you strip you of your states of ain soph aur,
Eclipse you,
I spit up on my plate and I push everything away,
I need, and we sever all ties,
It creates disruption midst circle of friends,
I become the sacrifice,
Spare your life and leave me to my misery.
Get off the cross and save yourself, run away.

Run now, get away from me if I can get my grip I'll pull you down into the hell I call my head,
You will never get away.
I sit down in my ugly place and build walls out of fragments from my past
of all the people that I needed and loved that walk away.
You've got to just trust me to hold your hand through then I'll turn and walk away.

I walk under the clouds of grey,
Spheres of storms in my head,
I'm trapped again in endless rain.

I divorce the thought of you I love with me,
I divorce innocence and my guilt
I divorce the lying sell out confidence
I'm divorcing every motherfucking thing
I divorce the love bled meaningless
I divorce the makeshit harmony
I divorce the haunting arts of violence
I divorce the past time of jealousy
I divorce control
I divorce the faith
I divorce the virtue
I divorce the rain
I divorce the excuse
I divorce the greet
I divorce the need
I divorce inequity in this motherfuckin bullshit life
Just want it all to go away,
Just want to run away to die, take it, myself, my life,
Textbook fucking mental, Off me and pitch me in a hole.

I will always be your shadow,
And veil your eyes from states ain soph aur,
I can't be the hero anymore,
I spit up on my plate and then I turn and walk away,
I spit up on my plate and I disrupt the family,
I spit up on my plate and I sever the entity,
And I feel your warm sun on my face, Seperate.

Eclipse you and bleed you, strip you of your states of ain soph aur,
I need you,
It's always been this way, I push it all away. From me.

2006-05-21T15:14:00.000+08:00

So stop falling

Stop falling

You know you're falling....for me

Stop falling, Stop falling

Stop falling...for me

You've gotta understand my side

I've had a crazy, crazy life

Nobody came along to open up my eyes

Oh baby, take what you can get

Don't even bother with my heart

I get a feeling I won't let it start

Took this from Pink's debut album. When she sang this at the end of the song, it sounded so heart wrenching it actually hurt. Well, I guess to some of us, shit like this happens. So, if you can't find your own words to tell them maybe this will....

2006-05-18T23:27:00.000+08:00

Robin Goodfellow

Puck was a reknowned shape-shifter. He's been a rough, hairy creature in many versions. One Irish story has him as an old man. He's also been pictured like a brownie or a hobbit. In a 1785 painting by William Blake, he looks like Pan from Greek mythology.

There had been a few who questioned my cybernetic alter ego self, RobinGDfellow, as to why I had chosen it to be. Blame it on Shakespeare. It's quite awhile back, and I was hardpressed to understand why Shakespeare, at that time, had to be such an enigmatic genius in stringing words. While my grasp of the English language was developing, Romeo & Juliet did nothing to inspire my examiners during the Finals back in the school days. And in utter desolation, I went to the school library with a vengeance; tearing up every Shakespeare's that existed within the walls of Knowledge Sanctum. That was when I picked up A Midsummer Night's Dream.

One of the most popular characters in English folklore of the last thousand years has been the faerie, goblin, devil or imp known by the name of Puck or Robin Goodfellow.The Welsh called him Pwca, which is pronounced the same as his Irish incarnation Phouka, Pooka or Puca.

There are other names in ancient languages that describe this being, with most carrying original meaning of a demon, devil or evil and malignant spirit. It is uncertain whether the original puca sprang from the imaginative minds of the Scandinavians, the Germans or the Irish, where these various incarnations seemed to be derived from.

Pouk was a typical medieval term for the devil. Langland had once called Hell a "Pouk's Pinfold." The Phouka was also sometimes pictured as a frightening creature with the head of an ass. Truly a devil to behold. The Welsh Pwca also did not match our modern conception of dainty tinkerbell fairies. According to Louise Imogen Guiney, a peasant drew the Pwca as "a queer little figure, long and grotesque, and looked something like a chicken half out of his shell".

In a 1841 painting by Richard Dadd, Puck looks like an innocent child.

Puck used his shape-shifting abilities to make mischief. He would turn into a horse and lead people on a wild ride, then dumping them in water. The Welsh Pwca would lead travellers with a lantern and then blow it out when they were at the edge of a cliff. Being misled by a Puck was known in the Midlands as being "pouk-ledden." This probably led to the birth of some phrase like being Pixy-led, which described a similar action on the part of the Somerset faeries known as pixies. Another expression for being lost is "Robin Goodfellow has been with you tonight." Reference like these can be found in texts as early as 1531.

Robin Goodfellow is one of the faeries known as hobgoblins or just hobs. The term Hob is short for the name Robin or Robert ("the goblin named Robin".) Robin itself was a medieval nickname for the devil. Contrary to popular belief, Robin Goodfellow was not only famous for shape-shifting and misleading travellers, he was also a helpful domestic sprite much like the brownies. He would clean houses and such in exchange for some cream or milk. However,if offered new clothes, he'd stop cleaning.

FAIRY: Either I mistake your shape and making quite, Or else you are that shrewd and knavish spriteCalled Robin Goodfellow. Are not you he that frights the maidens of the villagery, Skim milk, and sometimes labour in the quern, And bootless make the breathless housewife churn, And sometime make the drink to bear no barm,Mislead night-wanders, laughing at their harm? Those that Hobgoblin call you, and sweet Puck, You do their work, and they shall have good luck. Are you not he?

Puck takes form in Marvel Comic

PUCK: Thou speakest aright; I am that merry wanderer of the night. I jest to Oberon, and make him smile When I a fat and bean-fed horse beguile, Neighing in likeness of a filly foal; And sometime lurk I in a gossip's bowl In very likeness of a roasted crab, And when she drinks, against her lips I bob And on her withered dewlap pour the ale. The wisest aunt, telling the saddest tale, Sometime for three-foot stool mistaketh me; Then slip I from her bum, down topples she, And 'tailor' cries, and falls into a cough; And then the whole quire hold their hips and laugh, And waxen in their mirth, and neeze, and swear A merrier hour was never wasted there. -- A Midsummer Night's Dream, Act II, scene i