...........reluctance of joy BY Red...........................

Would that if I'm able to leap & sing to my heart's content that I would, I really would. But what is it that claimed me otherwise is somewhat a sombre expression that had begun in which even I could not start to comprehend (let alone others...). I should be laughing, smiling profusely because forces which are beyond my control inadvertantly decided that the time had come for one to embrace the smile of a man whom I hold so dear. For all that I had given a fraction of what's left that pumpeth the blood which courses through my veins. I fear...How can I? How could I when thousands suffered in silence were that do my suffering pales in comparison? No, I don't think so, nor the average sheep.

Why then is there this reluctance of joy that I feel as we were taught to be content & grateful for the things we have & do not?

Suddenly I felt the need to be in another place & I hate it when they say they do not understand when all they did was choose not to.

Ultimately I succumbed, broken at the thought that I am so easily beaten...to the fact I, unmistakably knew at first light like always, that I could always reach out with my arms and pull you into embrace...of trust!