Monday, December 11, 2006

I kinda anticipated I'll get whacked last night. I've been getting the vibes but I never expected to get slugged a whole 360 degrees turning point! It actually made me lose my equilibrium and crashed over a chair. I don't think I've ever been hit so hard...even during my earlier days!

I experienced that blurry vision thingy...you know like the one you get when you tv's reception's real bad? I think I'd laid down for about 5 or 10 mins before I got hit again...like a kick in the head when you're down.

When I was finally able to get up, seemed I messed myself. The front of my shirt was real bloody. My nose was bleeding real bad. And now I'm dealing with the echo...I could have taken a couple of valiums but thought better. So...downed alot of painkillers and brace myself for the next hit...if it comes. I'm sooo not working today...!

My migraine woes surfaced when I was like four years old and I remembered it hit me very earli in the mornings like at 6am. Remembered that everyone had to hold me down because I was thrashing around hysterically. Not screaming or yelling in pain...but rather I clenched my teeth and kinda held on to my head. Maybe I thought it was gonna explode..lol! But in those days...my migraines were thought to be something else.

I've always held my pains at bay lest everyone knew about it. I grew up with a set of values that thinking to speak of your pains, sufferings, are inevitably signs of weakness. Frankly, this fucked my mind some...especially when I have severe migraine attacks constantly throughout my life, it wasn't until a couple of years ago that I got myself checked up. I grew up being paranoid at receiving attention, especially ones that aren't called for and had to adjust myself into character which has unfortunately drew repercussions. Thus, my natural instinct when faced with extreme difficulty, I go distant...that way, I can deal my own issues privately. It's like a natural circuit breaker. My friends thinks I'm just being aloof, disenchanted, anti-social..or whatever it is they call it...this is just one of the repercussion I have to deal with. Nowadays, I give stern warning to people who complained of havin migraines...go see a doctor.

So let's see...migraine, aneurysm, tumour, slipped-disc, hyper-tension, ADD, autism, irregular heartbeats...hmm tell me how on earth am I ever to deviate from attention..?