When love beckons to you, follow him, Though his ways are hard and steep. And when his wings enfold you yield to him, Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.

I had a conversation with this girl recently about past girl and boyfriends and it triggered a memory at the back of my head. Actually, the conversation revolves her entire love life rather than mine. I suppose, like most reserved men, like me, are uncomfortable talking about lost loves. However, considering how the girl had spent the last hour and a half spilling her guts in front of me, it was only fair yhat I showed her my belly....I know, sounds kinky. Well..

I knew this woman once. I'd like to call her Lina. We worked together at that time, part-time job which payed out well. I was 19-20 years old and still studying. Both of us got paired up in the job as guides in walking trails in the evenings. And since the only time that these trails were trekked heavily was during the weekends, it left us with alot of time to get to know each other real well.
Lina was funny, shy and kind. She was real, unlike the other girls my age at that time who were too self absorbed in trying to impress guys, loud and obnoxious. She was 7 years my senior and has 2 kids. Divorced and survived from a bad marriage, Lina allowed nothing to hold her back from living her own life. I had tremendous respect for her courage. And so it was, as days went by we became very close and we both believed, or wanted to, that we were like brother and sister. While I supplied endless ramblings of school life and ideas to keep her kids occupied after school, she ornamented me with tips and advice on my woeing relationship with my girlfriend.

I had a four-year relationship that finally turned bizarrely weird for me. My ex-girlfriend was insanely complicated. After all those years even now, when I looked back, I couldn't figure out what the hell was her problem or what she really wanted out of me. While her mom adored me at the time, it took me 2 freaking years to warm up her dad. But we were buddies once he really got to know me. We still tell each other jokes and slap our backs whenever we met nowadays.

Anyway, my ex-girlfriend cheated on me with some cop-wannabe-loser and we kinda seperated for awhile. It was one of my lowest point in my life. See, I kinda gave everything I had to my ex-girlfriend and so when she dumped me it kind of swept me off the carpet and life as I knew then ceased to exist. I know, it's pathetic but I was like a nineteen year old idiot so what do you expect?

I became withdrawn and school and work were just cycled routines. Lina sensed this change in me quickly and tried to cheer me. We went to places after work to take my mind off things. I had a really cool scrambler bike back then so going places were easy. It was this one time when we were at a lake just chilling out, she was talking to me, giving me advice when suddenly it hit me like a truck to a wall. I tuned out whatever she was saying and just like that, she was beautiful. I kissed her. And both of us just got lost in the moment.

We went out for a fair while, sometimes even taking her kids along. It was the best time I ever had although both of us never said anything. We both dared not to commit anything with words. We were in a strange dilemma. Soon people talk behind our backs at work. I heard some nasty things about Lina too. Someone even said it to my face! He lost a tooth for it though. And suddenly, my ex-girlfriend was calling me back and Lina kind of just disappeared into the background.

Anyway, it didn't work out between me and my ex-girlfriend. She was still seeing the cop loser. I only found out that her parents pressured her into calling me. D'oh!
I told Lina about everything that happened but she just smiled through it all. I was too young and I didn't know what to do. Then I got drafted into the army and lost contact with her.

When I was discharged from the army, I landed a job in a government office and everything was working out fine. That was until I went to this carnival the Office organized. It was a great carnival, crowded with colours and sounds. My fairly new colleagues tugged me along from one booth to another. I wasn't paying attention to my colleagues, rather I was fascinated by this huge candle they had in the middle of a dirt track. Then something caught my eye and time seemed to stop when I saw Lina standing by that huge candle. It was then she caught my eye too. Both of us were like suddenly connected amidst all the chaos and we both started toward each other. Few seconds later found us embracing quite passionately, I must say. I'd forgotten where we were because we were too shocked, surprised and happy that we found each other again! When I sobered up, I realized that everyone around us were gawking at us like we were some kind of circus freaks. Not to mention by the looks of my jaw-dropping colleagues, Lina and me quickly exited stage left.

We found out quickly that we worked for the same Office. And as time goes by, we went out together frequently. I was happy and older and ready this time. But strangely she wasn't. One time over dinner, she asked me if I'd dated anyone eversince. I looked at her as if she was nuts or something and as she prodded further, I had this sickening feeling in my gut.

I never knew why but Lina went away as quickly as she came. She quit her job and changed her number. She never brought me to her new place which didn't leave me the option of finding her either. But I did receive a letter not long after she was gone. There among its contents were, "You're still young, there's still hope yet."