I totally lost it today.

I had to babysit my niece and nephew and while at it, working on a paper. I swear, one 3 year old and one 1-and-half year old, is a pretty destructive combo that's enough to drive you crazy! But I'm usually pretty okay with them running around and climbing over me. Just the other day both of them got access into my briefcase and had a party with all the colored pens and markers that was in it. My documents were done for. I totally kicked myself for putting the briefcase where they had an easy reach. I couldn't bring myself to get mad after seeing their silly faces in rainbow colors!

So I was working and they came to me for their milk fix. I was frustrated cos I was like totally focused on my work. I gave them their milk bottles anyway and told them to be quiet for awhile which they did. 5 minutes later I checked up on them and they were just on the sofa overlooking the windows. Ok. So I told them not to drop anything out of the window and continued my work. When I looked up again I saw both of them dangling their half full milk bottles out of the window. I said cautiously, "Don't you dare.." and they totally grinned and let go of their bottles.

For some reason I lost it. I could barely contain my anger! I screamed at them to get away from the window and marched over and stared at both of them for a real long time. 20 minutes. They were surprised at my outburst and I guess when I marched over and didn't do anything but gave that cold stare, they didn't know how to react or what to expect. For 20 minutes they squirmed, sat on the floor and eventually dozed off. My niece actually put up a fight though. She stared back at me unblinking, challenging me...for like 30 seconds.

The other side of me reared its ugly head tonight. One of my close buddy told me that he hated me when I become like that. Tight up anger like a ball, cold, distant and unpredictable. He said that it's like I'm a totally different person like that. The second I remembered this I switched off and regretted.

I picked up them both and laid them on my bed. I totally lost it. I just wished I could go home real soon!