Monday, April 21, 2003

Welcome Back

For the last couple of weeks I felt as if my life had some indication of normalcy. Until I realized that was so because I was focusing on this gig project. Otherwise I would've been a wandering ghost. My inner thoughts would threaten to overwhelm if I hadn't kept my mental defenses up.
Last night I had preludes of a revelation. I am getting more and more confident where my life should be heading.
A dear friend of mine exclaimed a Welcome Back! to me a fortnight ago. I thought nothing at that moment as I was too busy revelling the after taste of a good time moments before. My lone walk home, as usual, provided the time for reflection. And the good natured exclamation of my friend seized me.
Where did I go? Have I gone somewhere twilight that everyone else knew but my own faculties failed to register?
If I'm good with words, emoting; perhaps I could provide the answers to the loss he felt when I was seemingly gone. Alas, my toungue is detached off my soul and regardless of the debates & speeches I've made, this one I can't find the words. Chuckling to myself, I remembered of another friend whom diagnosed my condition as mutism, whatever the hell that is.
I suppose the correct term could be detachment. Although I appreciate the fuss and prompts of those closest to me, sometimes I suffocate. A mental claustrophobia amounting, I lash out to break free. I am already transparent. Is there a need for any more transparency? It is this quality that scares my potential mates. All that I can say right here, right now, echoing my own article of Numb; I am a free spirit seeking impossible bounds of the boundless.
But bounded I am still. I am human and my vessel proves it. If ever I take off in pursuit of uncertainties, I pray you not lose me for you never will when you have faith in me. In the end isn't it faith that always brings us back? I am back, parts of me. But I thank you for your exclamations are the trumpets for my returns. I am welcomed back, I am grounded.