Sunday, November 27, 2005


My weekends were almost totally wasted. Yesterday I had to pull myself to come back to the office to do some inspection work. The whole thing lasted till like 4.30pm. When I'm done, I was too tired to go anywhere and decided to head back home.

We had some visitors in the evening. When they left, I went straight to bed and woke up like at noon.

Anyway, called some friends up and none of them doesn't have an excuse like...."It's family day, need to spend time with the missus.." or "Oh man...dude! I've made plans with my girlfriend!"
Of course! How stupid of me! All my friends are practically married to someone or...something!

Well, I went out anyway to pick up a few things at the drug store. So..while I was in the drugstore trying to choose which dental floss I should be getting, suddenly, there was this pair of arms came from behind me to close in a tight hug - which, made me yelp!

Of course...being strong as I am..*ahem* It didn't take much to free myself from my attacker's grip. As I turned to face the idiot...I got another surprise. My attacker is an old buddy of mine!

5 minutes later...drinking coffee.

me: Hey Josh! You almost made me jump you fag!
(Josh winced a little)
Josh: Well yeah...been awhile I saw u big lug. I kinda missed ya, ya know?!
me: *tear*...someone misses me! SHUT UP! So hows ya been? Whatcha doin nowadays?
Josh: I'm doin some computer job for IBM now....still playing guitars though!
me: I never said anything...jus asked what..
Josh: I know you too well dude. Your eyes are are doing the Jambalaya & your tongue could barely hold back spitting out venom!

(See...Joshua and I thought we were going to be musicians back when we were kids. He simply was more passionate than I was)

me: Come on...! married...something...or what?
Josh: No..still single!
me: no girlfriend?? You used to like go..with two or three at a time...
Josh: Not interested...nowadays...
Josh: How about you? What happened to that KL chick I saw you wit the other time..
me: didn't work out. Plentys goin in my life right time for a commitment.

(at this point, I sensed something displaced. Something about the way he said being single...Josh was a party animal. He's an eurasian and I've always thought he'd become a musician or a model...something like that. A pretty good looking bloke, it's always easy to score with chicks when he hangs around you.)

me: So what happened to your last girl?
Josh: didn't work out. Don't think I'll be getting hitched real soon too.
me: why not?
Josh: because...I'm not interested anymore!
(he sounds a little agitated this time. Man! guess some chick must've fucked up his mind some)
me: What..? You celibate now or just being asexual? aye..Josh it'll happen soon aight?
Josh: You're not listening Red! I said I'm not interested anymore...
(this time he looked at me, his eyes pleading knowingly. At first I thought he just wanted me to just get off his case but then, in that split second it occured to me.)
me: OMG!!! You kidding me right??
(I said that rather loudly, caused he immediately sat upright looking left & right nervously)
me: OMG, Josh...what happened...? I mean I'm sorry what I said earlier!
Josh: No didn't know then.
me: I can't believe this...I mean..
Josh: Are you going to freak out on me?
me: Sorry, Josh. You caught me off-guard. I mean you were such a player!

We sat down for about another hour talking about this new Joshua - someone who was..very close to me at one point of time. He told me about how it came to be and I would very much like to blog about it...but time. Until then...yep! What a Sunday for me...

Monday, November 21, 2005

Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They came through you but not from you and though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
-Kahlil Gibran.

They often say that a boy's best friend is his mother. Truly, I wonder....
I never really understood that expression. I mean, I could never ever really talk to my mother. Not that we never talked, just that I can't talk to her about myself, my dreams...things that mattered.

As I sat down trying to understand why this came to be, I failed. Because...
My mother and I never seemed to see things eye to eye. Even as a child I rejected her reasoning and intricate logic of what is. Maybe perhaps, she never took me seriously. You know how mothers baby-talk their kids affectionately, protecting their children from the brunt of the ugly truth. I resent that. I've always wanted answers that reason. And perhaps that was why I was considered a difficult child to raise. Unlike my late father, who spoke and treated me more seriously. He doesn't talk down to me or hide me from the truth. I appreciated that. I guess he taught me critical thinking at an early age.

I always do not agree with my mother though sometimes what she does say makes sense. I remembered one time that this eccentricity of mine got so bad that I refused to have a slightest discussion with her. If a conversation steered into an argument, I'd stop. I thought to myself that I'd only give her grief if she'd hear my thoughts out loud. So, I just stop. I chose to take a different approach to all this. And inevitably, I was misunderstood.

I love my mother but sometimes mothers drives you crazy. I do not wish to lie to her so I kept to myself. Until tonight. I told her of my plans and why I had chosen the life I led. There were many expression that glazed in her eyes and her tired face revealed lines of sacrifice which, I am eternally grateful for. But, whatever mothers and sons, or of what she dreams of me could never be mine. Nor, mine can ever be her's.

Yet, I am her son and only that in the end I could be.