I totally lost it today.

I had to babysit my niece and nephew and while at it, working on a paper. I swear, one 3 year old and one 1-and-half year old, is a pretty destructive combo that's enough to drive you crazy! But I'm usually pretty okay with them running around and climbing over me. Just the other day both of them got access into my briefcase and had a party with all the colored pens and markers that was in it. My documents were done for. I totally kicked myself for putting the briefcase where they had an easy reach. I couldn't bring myself to get mad after seeing their silly faces in rainbow colors!

So I was working and they came to me for their milk fix. I was frustrated cos I was like totally focused on my work. I gave them their milk bottles anyway and told them to be quiet for awhile which they did. 5 minutes later I checked up on them and they were just on the sofa overlooking the windows. Ok. So I told them not to drop anything out of the window and continued my work. When I looked up again I saw both of them dangling their half full milk bottles out of the window. I said cautiously, "Don't you dare.." and they totally grinned and let go of their bottles.

For some reason I lost it. I could barely contain my anger! I screamed at them to get away from the window and marched over and stared at both of them for a real long time. 20 minutes. They were surprised at my outburst and I guess when I marched over and didn't do anything but gave that cold stare, they didn't know how to react or what to expect. For 20 minutes they squirmed, sat on the floor and eventually dozed off. My niece actually put up a fight though. She stared back at me unblinking, challenging me...for like 30 seconds.

The other side of me reared its ugly head tonight. One of my close buddy told me that he hated me when I become like that. Tight up anger like a ball, cold, distant and unpredictable. He said that it's like I'm a totally different person like that. The second I remembered this I switched off and regretted.

I picked up them both and laid them on my bed. I totally lost it. I just wished I could go home real soon!

There's this project I'm thinking about doing. In fact, it's a mega project. My friend who's partnering with me is a bit jittery about this. She doubts that we'd be able to get it done. I simply told her that I'm confident that it will work out just fine.
One thing that I'd learned about myself is that I'm capable of going through most things with alot of confidence. But that doesn't mean I'm perfect. What people don't know is that I reserve all potential breakdowns and freaking out in the aftermath.
For example, I know alot of people are susceptible to stage frights and a case of nerves when they need to go on in front of a crowd. They start to have butterflies in the stomachs and what not. For me, all those things happen when the job is done. It's a little trick I learned.
Anyway, if all goes well. This project'll kick alot of asses!

This was me when I was 5 or 6yrs old. My bro scanned it and emailed it to me. It was a pleasant surprise and I laughed quite out loud looking at this old picture.
There was alot that went through my mind looking at it, as I'm sure everybody else does when they look at themselves from pictures this old. You can't help but wonder how you go from that to this (current) state in life.
The other kid in the backgroud is my cousin. I've not seen him in ages but I do keep tabs on him. I heard he was a sailor and now works at the docks. He was a funny kid though. Remembered one time we got his head stuck between railings and had to call the fire department to rescue him! Lol.
Anyway, memories...

"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."

"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter." -Martin Luther King Jr

"We are not enemies but friends; we must not be enemies.

Though passion may have strength, let us not break the bonds of affection.

The mystic chords of memory will swell when again touched,

as surely they will be by the better angels of our nature." -Lincoln