Thursday, November 30, 2006

Went through the last entry and I felt whatever I wrote was broken. The structure I mean...well, I'm still doodling with codes...! For this drop cap we forced the first big letter to span more than five lines. The font-size is adjusted to exactly 100 pixels while the line height is 80 pixels. And I'm dreading to deal with what's in store for me. Have a bad feeling that some things will not turn out the way I rather have it. But I've seen it before. It just keeps replaying again and again in my head...whatever!

I have been hunting some music that I've heard at places. I've done an overhaul to the blogskin with some modifications. As I'm not trained in using html codes, it was such a headache trying to get things to work the way I want it. And while at it, I tried out CoffeeCup HTML Editor. Not bad compared to Frontpage.
Anyway, I've been uploading some cool songs. You can check it out on the right side of the blogpage. You can use the controls on the mp3 player to select songs, you can see the playlist just below the player.

I wanted to feature 3 songs from 3 different artists. The first is a band called Blue Merle with its song Stay. When I first heard this song, I somehow connected to the sounds of Coldplay, but I realized it was more than just an easy and soothing music to listen to as the song progresses. Blue Merle is on acoustic base, using instruments like violins and even the mandolin. To quote, "Blue Merle is a band that doesn't simply defy expectations, it renders them irrelevant." This song simply transports you.

The next song is Devil Got My Woman. It was written and sung by Skip James. He was virtually unknown to listeners until about 1960. In 1964 blues enthusiasts John Fahey, Bill Barth and Henry Vestine found him in a Tunica, Mississippi hospital. According to Calt, the "rediscovery" of both Skip James and of Son House at virtually the same moment was the start of the "blues revival" in America. In July 1964 James, along with other rediscovered performers, appeared at the Newport Folk Festival. Throughout the remainder of the decade, he recorded for the Takoma, Melodeon, and Vanguard labels and played various engagements until his death in 1969. -got it out of Wikipedia.
I first heard this song in a bar that hosts bikers. I remembered it was a lazy and warm afternoon when the jukebox played this song. To most uninitiated listeners, this song might sound a bit weird and far from Blues as you'd know it. There's a few reasons why. Songs like this one was also known as the Indian Blues and very little is known about it. The other reason is might because Skip wrote his songs on a different key (DADFAD). For those who still can't understand it...let's say it's an acquired taste.

The last song I want to mention here is Obokuri Eeumi. Yes, it's a Japanese song. It's a lullaby of sorts. Sang by Ikue Asazaki; her voice has a calming effect on me.
Ikue Asazaki is an elderly lady from Amami island whose voice is full of character, slightly hoarse and sometimes with falsetto. She sings Okinawan and Amami traditional minyo, plus old Japanese songs and lullabies.

And for those who might be wondering, the rest of the songs in the playlist are by the Dissociatives; and Thievery Corporation.


Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Brotherhood vs Fellowship

A recent conversation with a fellow bro of mine jaunted me back to a fateful night many years ago when I became a pledge of a certain brotherhood. The memory vivid, the words spoken that night still fresh in my mind. Many believed in the Brotherhood and still does.
I for one, would like to think I still do. However, I couldn't help but feel that the Brotherhood had turned into a Fellowship instead. And fellowships are easily broken. Through trials and tribulations over the years, my faith thinned steadily. Yet, the essence of what was and of its ideals remained my guard and I have found my resolve within.
Can't resist putting up these pics. It's so ironic.

Labels: ,

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

In the words of Serj Tankian...

Life is a waterfall, we're one in the river, and one again after the fall.
Swimming through the void we hear the Word, we lost ourselves but we find it all?
Cause we are the ones that want to play, always want to go but you never want to stay.
And we are the ones that want to choose, always want to play but you never want to lose.
Aerials in the sky. When you lose small mind, you free your life.


Monday, November 27, 2006

Losing My Religion
This life has brought me to places I've never been and unknown to many but a few.

It made me travel far and wide and yet distance seemed too near for many.

I realized though, the real picture is far more bigger than me or anyone could ever imagine.

My short travels stains my eyes while the languages I heard spoken never stopped ringing in my ears.

Funny the rain is never same when weathers change.

I could swear if you looked carefully, you can find me in the corner under the spotlight.

At every turn, you'll see me if you strain your eyes enough.

And sometimes I do speak.

Too fast sometimes...but really,

I'm just trying to keep up with you though I'm not sure I can do it.

And sometimes it seemed I spoke too much because you'd laugh or even cry out loud

but I know you try sometimes.

My voice comes out in a whisper most of the time when I talk as if I'm choosing my confessions because everybody frown too much when I say it out loud.

I'm losing my religion. Like a hurt lost preaching to blinded fools,

I lose my religion everytime we congregate. I lose my religion whenever we're in denial.

Now I've said too much of my beliefs,

this new dream that I've embraced is noth the infidel's caress; I am condemned.

Labels: ,

Sunday, November 26, 2006

It hasn't been a good time for me lately. To tell the truth, it has been a sucky year so far. I've been having problems in all areas of my life that I almost didn't know which I should start rectifying first. But that's life right? Everyone has problems. Yeah sure.
If there was one thing that I taught real well in my upbringing, it's that your problems are your own. Deal with it. So deeply this lesson was embedded in me that I suspect it took form of its own. I have no problems identifying others who needs help even though they never asked for it in the first place. I'd subtlely point out that I could help if they'd wanted it. However, when the same is directed at me, I go...stoic...a friend once described this behaviour mode of mine. As a result, I become a calculating problem fixing machine whenever left to my own devices. In company, I'm that guy they know, albeit my so-called broody self.
The immediate future holds uncertainties for me. My present are on the streets. If my friends only knew what that meant! LOL. But I refuse pity. Contrary to what I may have said about myself, I am not above asking for help. These help comes from only those I trust deeply, whose connotations and character are beyond contestation in my book.
Recently, amidst my inner wallowing, I stumbled upon a shocking find on one of my oldest friend. No one within locus of my brotherhood knew, yet I came upon it via a third party. Of all the dumbest thing he could've done...I spoke to him last night and he was remorseful. The strain in his voice caught him offguard at my knowledge of the incident, to which I told him, in this matter, things have an uncanny way of dropping into place for me. With 2 numbers already punished, he should've known better.
In regards to the above matter, it disturbed me into sleepless rendezvous, trying to figure how to fix it. And now that I've spoken to him, my focus shifts to the uncertain future. Told my mom to sell the residence and it'll probably go through in a few months or so. While living arrangements had been sorted for the family, I reclused deciding where my place should be. Frankly, it's not exciting. And I have a sweet revenge on a person that I've been thinking about alot lately. Hey you...I will fulfill.


Saturday, November 25, 2006

Perhaps there will be times when everyone needs a little saving.No matter what the circumstances, deep inside we longed for that someone who'll take our hand and lift us from the darkness that's enveloping.
It's noble for one to be a hero. But I guess that it's sad too. Superman, Spiderman and Batman have more than one thing in common. It's something that heroes need saving from themselves, and that is Loneliness.These guys are the biggest losers in the Love Department. Well yeah, once in awhile, along the way they find someone albeit shortly. What's interesting though, the one reason that they're unable to commit in an open relationship or be totally honest (whatever that is) is that they are unable to truly give themselves to the other. There's this inner secret that people do not comprehend. See, people are really a bunch of odd creatures. They demand transparency when they are not transparent themselves. Individually, they acknowledge that some things are sacred to them - things that they bring to their graves, but when it comes to their partner, this...thing cease to exist. They yell, scream, scratch, hit tooth & nail screaming bloody murder that their partners weren't honest/truthful.
And when the heroes do tell the truths...what happens?
Do their lovers have the strength to see past through it and appreciate the honesty? I mean this was about honesty in the first place wasn't it? Do their lovers can not turn their backs on these heroes and stay strong by their side?
I read somewhere that some things in life are best left unanswered. Wise. But if you do need the answers, I suggest this:
Be responsible.It's your choice and respect him/her who gave you that answer because you asked.

Friday, November 24, 2006

And we hide behind,
Lies, anger, Hate they shoo love away,
Build shells of ourselves outside,
It shelters body from cold reigns of reality,
Come on, Step out, of your rind, assemble strength, focus,
Release and run to me you can never look back to the visions from the past they fade and wilt in time,
You've got to just trust me to hold your hand through,
Then I turn and walk away,
Eclipse you (Cut you away),
And bleed you strip you of your states of ain soph aur,
Eclipse you (Cut you away),
I spit up on my plate and I push everything away,
From me
And we sever all ties,
It creates disruption midst circle of friends,
I become the sacrifice,
Spare your life and leave me to my misery,
Get off the cross, and save yourself, run away
Run now get away from me if I can get my grip
I'll pull you down into the hell I call my head you'll never get away
I sit down in my ugly place and build walls out of fragments from mypast
of all the people that I needed and loved that walked away,
You've got to just trust me to hold your hand through then I'll turnand walk away
I walk under the clouds of gray,
Sphere of storms in my head,
I'm trapped again in endless rain
I divorce the thoughts of you I love with me,
I divorce your innocence and my guilt,
I divorce the lying sellout confidence,
I'm divorcing every mother fuckin' thing
I divorce the love bled meaningless,
I divorce the makeshift harmony,
I divorce the taunting acts of violence,
I divorce the pastime of jealousy,
I divorce control,
I divorce the faith,
I divorce the virtue,
I divorce the rain,
I divorce the excuse,
I divorce the greed,
I divorce the need,
I divorce iniquity in this mother fuckin' bullshit life,
Just want it all to go away,
Just want to run away to die, take it, myself, my lifeText book fucking mental,
off me and pitch me in a hole
I'll always be your shadow,
And veil your eyes from states of ain soph aur,
I can't be the hero anymore,
I spit up on my plate and then I turn and walk away,
I spit up on my plate and I disrupt the family,
I spit up on my plate and I sever the entity,
And I feel your warm sun on my face
Eclipse you and bleed you strip you of your states of ain sophaur,
I need you,It's always been this way, I push it all away, From me...

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Beautiful as they are, I am not very fond of parrots. They're at best watched from a distance or in pictures like the one above.
For some reason, parrots actually freaks me out. I mean look at THAT face!!! Apart from its colourful feathers parrots have an absolutely grotesque face. I react the same way Ace Ventura did whenever he sees the albino bat.
When I was a kid I was constantly terrorized by a cockatoo that belongs to a neighbour at my grandparents. It was bad enough that my grandma don't approve of me running around the house (I was tied with a rope once..) because I was hyperactive. I couldn't go outside because that menacing cockatoo; it always seemed to me, bears a grudge on little children, and rears its ugly head and flapped it wings whenever I appeared at the front door!
Worse, it will say "Nak pergi mana tu??" -translated- "Where do you think you're going?" and then it will let out a loud squawk. The total weirdness and fear akin to kids fearing "IT" of Stephen King.
I mean some parrots are really large birds and that one was huge. I wonder if its still alive...I could plan revenge...? They have long life spans you know...documented up to 80 years. Many people make the mistake of keeping them as pets only to realize that caring for parrots are a very long term commitment.
All that aside, parrots are one of earth's beautifull and amazing creatures ('cept for d face of course!). They have long life spans and they pair up for life. Perhaps one of the most popular traits of these species are its ability to mimick speech. However, contrary to popular belief, this ability is not confined to parrots exclusively. Other species of birds were found to have this ability as well, like crows, for example.
There is one results of a study by Irene Pepperberg that suggests a high learning ability in an African Grey Parrot named Alex. It was trained to use words to identify objects, describe them, count them, and even answer complex questions such as "How many red squares?" with over 80% accuracy. Other scholars claim that parrots are only repeating words with no idea of their meanings and point to Pepperberg's results as being nothing but an expression of classical conditioning, or possibly a manifestation of the Clever Hans effect.
Parrots are many things; it symbolizes as well as make great pets. They can be trained to do parlour tricks and even predict one's fortune. Recently, I discovered that it could be a label to insult among other things. And when that happens, think of the good side of a parrot and gracefully admit it as a compliment. But,'s hard to do whenever you think of that Old Maid card and that face!


Saturday, November 18, 2006

Your problem is: You get what you want and do
what you will.

Worlds are built out of suffering. There is
suffering at the birth of a child as at birth of a star.

You live in terror of not being

Women defend themselves by attacking, just as
they attack by sudden and strange surrenders.


Sunday, November 12, 2006

I'm quite unsure how it actually started. Though it was brought up by a single message, it soon whirled into something else. I was overcame by nervousness nowadays. It had been so long that I had to go through this torture. I am afraid. Scared to death even, of what the future means to me now.
As usual, my common sense prevailed. I shall be patient (nevermind the long periods of staring into the empty screen hoping...). I'll follow my feet (nevermind that I can't stop tappin my toes that ppl around me stared), and see where it'll lead me knowing a certain death awaits in mistakings. Truly, it is like "...swords amongst his pinions.."

Friday, November 10, 2006


It has always been 3 things to me that held prior, amongst others. The first is God, second Family and a third, Friends.
The First is my canvas; an elegant widespread of white fabric that holds my picture of existence. The Second is my paint; colours of divine beauty that spells my existence.
The Third is that water, which blends my picture into a masterpiece called Life.


With my colours gone grey and water spilt to the ground,
I have no picture, no beauty. And water runs to quench thirst...only.
My canvas still white and wide wanting.
I am a mess of fallen colors and unwashed waters...

Thursday, November 09, 2006

But more than that we prayed for ourselves,
treading the rosary of our blessings,
for what is pity without thanks for
the opportunity for such pity?
-Alfian Saat

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

I shudder at my own thoughts clashing when I heard of distant shrieks that only I could hear. Strange to others even more the stranger ones who knew of such strangeness.
And everytime, the coldness threatens to engulf me. To want to make me feel and be acquainted to this useless emotion, fear.
I stare blankly at her hanging in trees, her long white hair flying entangled in white robes of ancient tapestry; was she trying to scare me?
As quickly as the cold sensations felt, an unnatural warmness permeates my entire being, enveloping me in a vacuum of ether dimensions I am not privy to speak.
I see them though they may not see me in this senseless world of propriety. Ask myself of my ability if it means anything to me.

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Daily Fragments of meBLOG

"Challenging Stereotypes..."

Nature itself is against meand I...wonder of the sweetness of sweet victory if it ever came.. of what I am to be?!

I was trying to be creative with codes. Pffft!!! CRAP!!! Someone should help me with this stuff.

Saturday, November 04, 2006

The Constituition

Old Crest

New Crest
“It shall be a deliberate and conscious policy of the Government of Singapore at all times to recognize the special position of the Malays who are the indigenous people of the island and who are most in need of assistance and accordingly, it shall be the responsibility of the Government of Singapore to protect, support, foster and promote their political, educational, religious, economic, social and cultural interests, and the Malay language.”

It makes one think doesn’t it?
But really, how many of us do really know what the Constituition is about? We’ve heard it often enough. We say it often enough, but those are just words. Does the Constituition hold any particular meaning to any of us?

First of all, what exactly is the Constituition?
Well let’s see…! The word itself is derived from the Latin Contituere which means ‘to stand together’ and or ‘to establish’. I think.
The Constituition is used to refer all the basic rules or laws concerning the government and legislation or legal structure of a country. In other words, the Constituition is the supreme law of the country. It is a law superior to any other laws in a country as it makes up the basic legal foundation of any society.

So why do we need constituitions?
Whenever a society forms, laws become necessary. Laws are used to regulate the conditions and movement within the society; to achieve a degree of harmony and peaceful living. Thus, through the natural selection process of time, the strong and fit become leaders of the society. These includes Kings, Emperors, Sultans, etc.
Of course, we’ve read and learnt about cruel rulers who were corrupted and made the people suffer.These rulers had absolute power over the land and since they made laws, presumably, they were above it. This condition gives society a reason to place a fairer rule...a government, on a more democractic term.

However, government does not materialize in a vacuum. In big countries, the government is large and so does its powers. So vast these powers of…coercion that, people may fear living under tyranny. Under conditions like these is where we remember Lord Acton’s often-cited axiom: absolute power corrupts absolutely.

The idea of Constituitionalism can be traced from ancient Greece and into the American Revolution. There are 2 factors influencing this…idea. One was the natural law that acknowledges a law higher than man-made law. The other was the Christian doctrine of personality which emphasised an individual’s worth as an intrisic value in itself (Kevin Y.L. Tan).

Our Constituition spells out the basic structure of the State and establishes the various branches of the government which are the legislature, the executive and the judiciary. It also guarantees the fundamental rights or liberties of its people.
It took me 3 dictionaries and a lot of back reading to understand this…it does make one think doesn’t it…!?

Friday, November 03, 2006


Shoot all the bluejays you want, if you can hit 'em, but remember it's a sin to kill a mockingbird.

No matter how many times I read it, the story never got boring. Harper Lee made us see the world through the eyes of Scout and Jem of Maycomb County. For a brief novel, it sure did cover alot of serious social issues.

I studied the text in school but found out years later everytime I read this book, it gave me deeper meanings, broader views and new understanding.

I could relate heavily to Boo Radley's sentiment.

"...naw, Jem, I think there's just one kind of folks. Folks."

"That's what I thought, too, when I was your age. If there's just one kind of folks, why can't they get along with each other? If they're al alike, why do they go out of their way to despise each other? Scout, I think I'm beginning to understand something. I think I'm beginning to undestand why Boo Radley stayed shut up in the house all this's because he wants to stay inside."

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

A carpenter scored 830 points for this game of Scrabble. 830 points were more like a combined score when Ez Jazz & me were playing on good days! His bingo QUIXOTRY earned him like 365 points. If I were his opponent, I'd be devastated! heheh...(what the hell is QUIXOTRY anyway?)
Nice board...only I'd challenge the validity of 'ZA'. The word 'ZAS' I know exists but 'ZA'??
Which, reminds me of a fellow scrabbler who'd at one time, while playing this game, challenged the word 'GA' against his opponent. That word, of course, was found invalid, and out of utter desperation and frustration, his opponent kept for a few turns, made the same mistake of putting the word 'GA'.
After much retraction, his opponent resigned to making the word 'GAS' on the board. My fellow scrabbler, a seasoned player, irritated at the non-existent word 'GA', came to an outburst to the opponent telling him of that that word do not exist! Which at this point, the poor opponent looked at my friend blankly and replied, "What do you mean 'gas' do not exist?"!!! How embarassing!!! Lol!!!