Almira Aqilah dats the name of my brand new niece. Precious lil thing she is. I met her for the first time today & my heart just burst. Almost teared up when I carried her in my arms cos she actually smiled!
Unlike her brat of a brother, Almira has strong character written all over her tiny face, just like her mother. Uhm...the temper we could do away with..just the character please...
Carrying her got me thinking...thinking...then I stopped thinking! I dun even wanna go there...yet. Kids are precious. I like kids. I am a kid!

There is a thought that lingers at the back of my mind in which I will forever wonder, possible.
Pulsing aggravation of what calm vision, discreet in its bleeding of thoughts in a path of neurosis while darting myopia in shades of brown, nestled lubrication in its crown, overflowed.
Subconsciously clutching my center, overbearing this sense of loss in equilibrium. My balance off, jaunted by phantoms of conscience.
Yet, I deny nature of the satisfaction meant for those around me to leave me incarcerated. For I am the font of calmness and that is the expression of my physique, projected in empty glass of frosted windows of a supposed soul. Not to embrace this winter a means to an end. I am borne free and boundless shall I be, almost. With one single thought that lingers, I am bounded still, I am human.

New Addition

My younger sis gave birth to a healthy baby girl a couple days ago & I'm so excited. No name yet but my sis is thinking it up. I haven't actually got to see my brand new niece yet because the nurses are so damn rigid about hospital policies. So, I was a lil over on the visiting hours, so what?

Anyway, I am a bit disappointed because I was told that the baby was supposed to be delivered in June. I guess she can't wait to come out & play. Otherwise I would've someone in the family who's a gemini as well. But we share the same date of the month though.

My sister told me my 2-year old nephew wasn't too happy with the arrival of his new baby sister. This should be interesting to watch both of them grow up and pulling at each other's hair, fighting over some toy...

This is the 2nd and final installment from the last blog.

I managed to get everybody to go home including my mom. She needs to rest. Everything that happened was too much of a shock for her. I can't imagine what she's going through when she found my sister unconscious on the floor. It was exactly the way how she found out when my father passed away. And when this happened, I could imagine her reliving the whole nightmare again.

I sat by her bed holding onto her hand, subconsciously hoping for her to wake up or squeeze my hand. I hated looking at her in that state. The cold, calculated, respiratory action of the life-support machine disturbed me. I was thankful for its presence though, it made a difference. Earlier that day, the doc told us to expect for the worst. Her blood pressure was shooting up to a close 300. Her heart was pumping so fast that the whole bed actually shook. I still shudder at the memory of it.

My brother and everyone else had resigned themselves to fate. I didn't. I remembered feeling angry at everyone. How could they betray her like that? What? You hear what the doctor says and then just write her off??! Not me. She was one of the best persons I know in this life and I was not going to let some snot-nosed doctor dictate her fate.

I dragged both my mom and grandma to her bedside and told everyone else to leave. I whispered to both my mom & grandma to hold onto my sister's hands and caress it like they would a newborn baby. They couldn't comprehend my request but did it anyway. What happened next actually reinforced my faith that my sister was going to make it. Her blood pressure went down steadily to normal. And when I looked at her, there were tears falling albeit closed eyes.

It was 2 am. The nurse approached me and told me that I should get some rest. I declined as she smiled kindly at me. I wondered then, how many have she seen people like me at this state? How many have she seen lying on hospital beds, helpless?
The nurse put a hand on my shoulder and told me that I should take a break at least. She promised me that she'll take care of my sister.

I sat down at the parking lot dragging on my cigarette and staring at my coffee when I became aware of someone approaching. It was my uncle Burn. My mom's youngest brother, he's about the same age as my sister. I heard they were playmates when they were kids. He sat down beside me and bummed a cigarette. We could be brothers then. We both sport beards. We sat in silence. I thought he'd left but I guess he felt as strongly as I did to stay on. We didn't need words of comfort for each other. Our mere presence were enough.

Morning came and nothing had changed. My brother called me and told he'll be at the hospital soon. I decided to go home to have a shower. Both my mom & grandma were at home. We were about to leave the house when my cell phone rang.

Mom & grandma cried and hung onto me, burying their faces onto my chest. It was all I could do to try to breathe.

My sister passed away within 24 hours of her admission into the hospital. Just like that, she was taken away from us. I did not need a reason to be angry with God. Within 24 hours my faith in Him was tested. He took away my dad when I was 15 and 15 years later, my sister. It was hard for me to conceive the fact I had both my most respected persons in my life taken away so suddenly twice. Yet, it is in my faith that God have better plans for all of us. I felt defeated. And I learned...